Showing me the time, where I am. That now is when you say farewell to certain visions dreams whether serious or spontaneous and a result of momentary bewitch. The wine shop, probably not. What do I need devote ALL resources and energies to… this. Pages. “Teaching” if you could call it that. Studying the Now. How I arrived at this spot, this street in the Richmond. No winery before I die. I could live. No wine shop. Same. Remembered for books, my writing and talks. Not for a shop, counter, pouring. Chinese food in Richmond with one of the Reps. Tried to order fancy but just settled for fried rice and dumplings.. should have stayed in car, not gone out. But hunger distorted by fortitude.

Back from lunch. In car with two reps. Had lunch with one. In the city, culture around me. Want to write San Francisco. Write about it and write it a letter, one of those 10,000+ word expressions. Journal on lap, typing this on phone. Not scrolling through any feeds. Then the post-eat sink sets. I ignore it while rep I went to lunch with tries to fix vehicle clock. Says “fuck” after not being able. She tries again. Time and how it can be set, not set. We can’t make time do anything. We’re setting the clock, I tell her, we can’t set time.

San Francisco was for the longest time a tall stretch of mystery and unknown. Even though I loved just south of it, in San Carlos. I didn’t understand it. Was intimidated by the traffic. No parking spaces. Now, I’m here all the time. Look at the houses, see the oils stains in the few spaces you cans here in the Richmond for parking. Man with two young children riding bikes on sidewalk while cars behind me honk on Geary.

Video games. Wife’s fault. Gift for Xmas. One I kind of asked for. How often does this happen.