from a journal

12/25/18

Kids with opened presents.  Wife and Kerouac left to retrieve cousins.  Preparing for more chaos and sounds loud.  Now, Emma and I play with her new toys and enjoy our Now.  The Now of today, more than yesterday and the same, augmented and magnified.  Me on the floor typing away with daughter behind me, remind me me of life, who this character Mike Madigan is.  What he wants where he is.  Simple.  Toys surround me like mountain ranges that overlap and intersect and criss-cross unconditionally and erratically.

Knowing Now, last days of ’18.  What can I do, what can I fit in in these—how many days?—7 days counting today.  And why not count today.  For just thoughts to new books.  Gifting myself something…. TODAY.  No mood and no stress, nothing but celebration of the Now.  More music, last night listening to atmospheric beats of Thievery Corporation and like-groups and artists, setting mood around the wine sipped and putting me in more sights and belief in the office, pairing wine and music, words poetry voice visual, all.

Music.  Only song I hear now is a kids track, not much I can harness self to.  Or can I… the play of it all, imagination, free liberating qualities and facets, universes transfixed and morphed into something else.  Educating key strokes with Now’s effulgence and expanse.  Daughter tells me to stop working, to sit not he couch with her and cuddle.  I turn the laptop off, and do what she tells me.  Mike can only do what she says, every time.  No exceptions, no variables.  It’s a consistency that not only dominates his day, but makes me more beneficially beat.

Coffee cold, music louder, playing with ideas and interpreting my Now in new ways— the ideology of this current stage and current brings me to new understanding and questions that shed any understanding of understanding.  The aim is to explore, not settle on definition.

“Dada…. I need you…”

Done.

Ideas for next track…