So why am I not more content? Why can’t I freely write? Something with this morning. Haven’t figured it out yet. Probably the situation with SSU. AGAIN, it happens. Notifying me of a last-last-last second class to teach. Urgency, right? Starting Monday… follow me? Okay. So I respond more than immediately, just for giggles, saying “I’ll take it!” This, after the most recent transaction with them where I said I wanted two classes back-to-back on T/TH, they saying that could work, or hinting strongly it would, only to get nothing. Well, he responded this time ‘around by saying he has to wait till the “deadline” today, at 5pm. “Are you fucking serious?” I thought. How is anyone supposed to plan around that? Live around or like that? Full-timers and admins and people outside of education wonder why adjuncts are so angry. Well, if this doesn’t highlight a few things for you I don’t know what will. What does he have to wait for? You need it filled, I will teach that class! What’s the hold-up? Yeah, I know, procedure. Okay.. well, your procedure is vastly flawed. Again, I’m not hoping to get the class… this is just an experiment with how they’ll react, and putting self in the mentality of old adjunct Mike of actually needing an additional section. I don’t. And if I did take this class that would mean having to change schedule at winery, forfeiting my Sundays with family— And THAT, is in no way, tell, or plume negotiable. If he does respond with awarding me the class, I will carefully, and slowly, and with vindictive enjoyment write my refusal letter, citing that it would be more helpful to provide more notice.. and if you can’t provide notice to us adjuncts, have one of the full-time tenures in your department, who face nothing mirroring our adjunct’d injustices, take on an extra section. A “fullie” as I call them wouldn’t take on extra work, especially at the university, because they’re simply lazy and have lost most of any ethic including work. Oh… I’ll write the letter either way. May seem like I’m mad, I’m really not. More motivated than anything else by the chair’s last night email.
Thought yesterday while writing a poem in the tasting room about self-publishing, and how more of my energies need be rained on that reality, practice. I have everything right here with me for the writing and traveling, business life I want. So… I’m waiting for.. what? Adjunct life will only keep me poor (not that I’m at all poor now, although I will be if I keep getting lunch at Oakville Grocery, getting one of this Mezzaluna wraps like yesterday, but anyway…), the wine industry is notorious for underpaying and keeping its foot on your goddamn carotid artery, so I need to give myself the career I want. And I am, I’m working on it with my creative content business and indie teaching.. so now, I need to sell. Sell my writing. Everything. Get all pieces done in singular sittings and fly away to the Road.
6:45…. Only want to write today. I can, in the tasting room, yes, and on my lunch, but it’s not the same. I need my office. I’m tired of waiting, of wishing. Thirty-fucking-eight, this year. Enough. Enough…
Hear people in the halls. Hope no other adjunct comes into this office/cell and breaks my zen. Won’t be happy if they do. You know what, I should just go to classroom, put on some music, and start jotting for class. Yes.. done… decreed. Topic next.