Dreaming Now ‘Cause Waiting Annoys Me

img_9870Something about writing in quiet. Wine. Ran five miles and was hungry but now not only after one of those pre-made and packaged salads you get at Target, or Safeway. Was is Costco? Either way I’m here at the end of a 3-day streak of days off. And tomorrow morning I have to get caught up. On my 2017 plans list I cites quite angrily that waking up early need be a practice. I call myself a writer, a disciplined writer? Then why did I leave my laptop at Mom & Dad’s the other night? Why am I not waking early? This honesty with self is affecting the mood but I can’t waste time as wife and motley babies could walk in the door at any minute. Enjoy your wine, enjoy your writing like you tell your students. Be in the moment and the moment is one demonstrative of advance as I’m not waiting till 1/1/17 to being some superficial resolutions. NO. I’m actuating plans right now. Writing. To be the most tireless and hard-working writer and blogger on the blasted planet.
Need to do more readings as I noted the other day— May be getting too far ahead of myself with ’17 and too harsh on Self with entertainment of possibilities for this new year but this is what crEATive/entrepreneurial dads do. We don’t slow and certainly not ever halt, and if we notice ourselves getting slow then we whip that self into work, into productivity— into crEATivity. My buttons pushed by me pressing these buttons for the first time in days, leaving the keys at parents. No wine in glass… what to do… feel like Kerouac in the cottage or small cabin at Sur….. Just me, the time which I disregard but more embrace the moment I’m in, thinking about the “students” now down at UC Santa Cruz… maelstroms in climatic disarray somehow precipitate harmony. And this could be the only glass I’ve had since coming home doing narrowing my narration now, but I don’t care. I want the wine to through me speak. It’s more interesting, teaching promulgating truth. What do I have left from last night… That AV Cab? Done. Also have the case of St. Francis wine in the office (gift from Mom & Dad, and winemaker sister, last night, my xmas alms.
Just noticed I have no music cued. And that’s fine. This quiet is its own narrator, character, lecturer, whatever. Now music on. And you may have deduced, more annoyed that with logical layer, Thievery Corporation. Imagining self away, some trip, speaking somewhere and not to speak as some self-knighted “expert” or “authority”, but just am obdurate and resolute writer, who happens to speak. The quiet massages and decided my mental, encourages my meditation further. So… to “students”, know what pleasurably anchors you— be aware of not just your Self and Personhood, but your story’s rhythm, and how you want it considered. I’m in the process of noting my record, collecting some concertedness in composition. Think I’m there, nearly…