10:30AM— whoa, how did that happen? Need to get in a drive, maybe just to gather content, photograph a vineyard on Olivet Road, or something. On a roll so far today, and it’s the Positivism, this Creative Positivism that’s found me. More to come… so much more to come…
2:30PM— 3-shot mocha. Funny, as now would be a perfect time for a nap. Why did I get this thing? Oh well.. all yay-say. Class tonight, pretty much planned. And tomorrow, considering hooky, to go to little Emma’s swim lesson with Alice and Kerouac. You know what, maybe I should. Need to do things for myself, little gifts… this could be the first.
Now on the floor of the living room with mocha. This one, strong. Feels like more than 3 shots. Doesn’t matter. I’m awake and I’m writing in my newly minted Creative Positivism. All’s a yay, negating any possibility of nay.
Something different tonight, for class.. what. What do I do differently? Writing prompt, no… Freewrite, possibly. Self-assessment… perhaps have them write an assessment of how they handled their day. What they did, how productive they were, etc…
Really have nothing to write, me, now, here, on floor, with coffee (shocker I know), wind outside. July 18th closer, only 12 days away. Some major step toward the Road must be made. But how and why and what, and within what?
Got a bit distracted, but back. This has just been a relaxing, but quite productive, day. So I’m in a relaxed mood, mode. Not pressured, not anxious, not irked or pressured by anything. Just alive, living, how I want— a writer, positive, creative, with coffee. I feel meditative, now, looking at a picture of Jack and Emma that was taken only weeks after she was born. Everything is for my babies, I understand. I’ve understood this for a while now, certainly since Emma was born but before as well. Just now, today, and just now staring at their picture, it’s re-emphasized. You know what, I think I will take a day tomorrow, go to the pool with my littles, enjoy the entire evening with family. I deserve it, frankly. But let me make the final decision tomorrow, or sometime before, or never—
Maybe I should take tonight off. Ugh, if only. Have to look upon this with positive lens— if it weren’t for this semester, I wouldn’t have the resolution to never teach Summer again. So I can only be positive with the class I have. And I am. The students are wonderful, just I struggle with smaller groups. SO that’s something this adjunct needs to work on, for sure.
Shit, even with the caffeine I’m yawning. Nothing a little drive won’t cure. All positive, this new Positivism of me, for and from me. Complete thought Autonomy— but another yawn, another sip. Need this coffee, so I’m not that free. And I don’t think I ever will be. The writer, or this one, needs this stuff.
(7/6/16)