And I nearly didn’t sit to type tonight but there was no way I could permit that, me doing that to myself. And another act, or “thing” I won’t permit is the QS and ‘Forced Avarice’ books to go ignored. And the Massamen novel, not a bloody word typed, only notes and random writings, nothing formal till my two other books are edited and released. And I’ll have this very log be a progress report for myself and for you, to be sure I’m on task. Today, barrel tasting, though we weren’t participating. Not as busy as I thought it’d be, but consistent, fluid with intermittent flurries. Only took a couple notes, observations, people coming in to taste and enjoy Pinot of different shapes and shades, voices, and to see the grounds; those gardens and the expansive lawn behind the tasting room, where the outside bar is. I’ll admit, I’ve never felt this for a winery, prior, and the way the drive affects me, from River Road to that one road, to the oneway bridge over the Russian River (this morning saw two men flyfishing) then to Westside Road, and how the drive has two distinct characters and feels from morning to night.
Tomorrow morning, Alice has her 10 mile run through Howarth and Annadel. I’ll launch from the house when she leaves, then hit the keys hard like a boxer back into his training revolutions and cycles.. and coffee till I leave, possibly three cups after the 10 miles I do, that I hope to do– just stay writing like I am now, returning to a lover, this feel, and think of the next chapter, the next book after I edit Quarry Swing and Forced Avarice.. that’s over 600 pages of my writing. I can’t just let it die. And I don’t care how it’s received, at all.. I’m just going to release it.. and the magazine, more material to that. You know, again, today I had fancies of winemaking, making my own wine and starting my own label (that’s what this estate is doing to me with imagination and making me reconsider options and just love wine more, what I could do and how I could shape my own wine life and write about it and have my own.. I don’t know.. “label”, is that what it’d be called?). But I can’t. I’ve said goodbye to that. I’m only to write, and teach here and there.. fight the Adjunct War and make teaching what I want it to be.. and the PhD, just another goal for me.. I’m already a strong teacher, so I don’t need the added acronyms. I just want the experience, being a student again, studying, writing my papers, presenting my positions– there, again I’m destiny-centered.
9:20.. no wine tonight, and I’m more than elated. I want those 10 miles tomorrow morning and I WILL have the first two days of ‘Forced Avarice’ (my 100 days of 3+ pages project) read, edited.. will be interesting to see my character change, read my development as that adjunct, that blogger and writer and father and prisoner of that last winery. But here I am, ALIVE, smiling.. in MY pattern.