front door, open, see the “storm”. And could use the air–
11:22. Jackie getting a little restless as am I , being trapped in the condo. We listen to the rain, go see it, then back to play area. I run out of ideas to keep him entertained and amused, connected to his day. This is a test for me, but I welcome it as writer and father. Still adding to yesterday as you can read, not starting today’s 3 effort, but what can I say, other than the semester moves quick, I wait for calls from wineries, and I have to keep writing, developing the Massamen character.. and remembering where the story starts, right after getting letgo from a job he had to have for benefits, being an adjunct. He wants to teach more, but he can’t or couldn’t. But now with this release his life restarts, he focuses on quality and Personhood. I now focus on the rain, right and left, either side of doors and Jack wags his legs while sitting atop that toychest, looking at me like he’s saying “okay, well, now what.” Good question, my little buddy. I have no idea. “Jack, what do you want to do?” I ask, he ignores so now I scramble internally for ideas and activities, topics– why do people, Humans in general not in any particular field or industry, take so long to return a letter, a call, a bloody email? I’m going mad in this condo, might call Mom for reinforcements, a relief, but I need a specific aim if I go to Starbucks and write, what, what–
Letting the coffee cool, looking up pictures of wine bars/cafés, see designs, colors, what’s on their wine list, what the pictures convey, mood-wise. I look at that girl Natalie’s bar in SoCal, Long Beach specifically.. nice, and that was her dream, what she was hellbent on doing, acquiring. Like I say about my sister, I hope she writes, IS writing her experiences and finds with her endeavor. My spot would be small, somewhat, specific beers, wines, no hard alc. And coffee and espresso from everywhere.. that would be the focus, not the beer and wine.
At whatever spot I go to, if I go and if I call Mom, I’ll write a lecture for Monday, post it to maddenedread and see what reaction I get, if any (I’ll write the students by email and make sure they visit, or gently instruct they do so..). I want them to see me as a passionate professor but also a playful professor with my ideas and ways of approaching Literature, especially Kerouac, Dickinson, and Hemingway (up next). Still a bit embarrassed about the 1B/1A mixup in texts, but oh well, as I said, it happens. Bring the thesaurus with you, fiddle with words new and make new songs and sounds, sentiments, of them.
Now the whole side of the glass door’s covered in hydrating beads. And I think of a nap while J’s down, less than an hour.. no, no I can’t! Won’t let myself! Why am I even thinking about that? I can’t write when I’m bloody asleep!