In the library and you can definitely feel the semester intensifying. I’m out in the open like an African deer or varmint and I could be attack at any minute by some student dissatisfied with their paper grade. But what can I do? I’m doing my job. And the point of school IS to be tested and explore what you can do, what you need to improve, true? Students all around me at tables like this one, meant for 4 people to study or exchange ideas, write or gossip and do nothing productive– I only say that as I’ve seen and unfortunately heard it too many times. I had this planned, this sitting, what I should accomplish and walk away with. I revisit Emerson, his writings, his essay “Self-Reliance”. And I do, I hope, have that “latent conviction”. That “universal sense”. In Hemingway’s work, notably his book ‘A Moveable Feast’, a reader can only notice these principles and mandates. Everyone calls his style, Hemingway’s, curt and abrupt and harsh and “declarative”. More so I offer is its transcendent observational qualities and staunch defiance and self-reliance. That’s what observations is: a trusting of your senses as that’s all you as a writer utilize to compile your manuscripts.
Think I need some coffee. That mocha I bought earlier at the cafeteria café or whatever it’s called was horrible. I need energy and I think I may need a break from writing. Well wait– the novel… THE NOVEL!
On page 302. I shiver thinking I’ll end my book at some point. But I have to! It’s due today, the rough rough rough draft. 308 pages… ALL. MINE! You should see me now: notebook– or Comp Book rather– out, bag on table, laptop out. I’m a student. Of mySelf. Self-Reliant in my convictions and Zen sitting and affirmation. So many others more fired than me, walking around, hunting down sources, and books and references for themselves.. what am I doing but writing, that’s it. I’m not learning anything new. Need to find a book, or an article, think I still have money on my copycard. Laptop’s going to die. Just in time.. off I go, to study, to learn, to grow and self-profess, obsess.