Getting away from that sentiment I know what I have to do, and what I have to write for the rest of my life…. Mental Health and Happiness, all from being…. You’ll see.

Bought some TreeTop  Apple Crisps as a snack.  My first purchase in the shop since coming back.

Watching the time but not stressing over it, or even paying it much of a mind’s bite.

Quick messages from the Nurse, who again has a long day.  Last night not getting home till late and this day again a long Road.  I aim to be like her, and now I can.  Now there is encourage and promise and not funnel-fear and forecast interrogations.  How did I let myself get there?

Maybe deciding to quick, or just giving up.  Not believing in myself.  But here, getting here… I just decided to stop thinking that way.  But I have to credit the Nurse.  She doesn’t like it when I do, or she corrects me and say I need to aware self credit.  And I appreciate that… but her influence and impact cannot be undervalued or not seen, felt.  By me, or any reader, or anyone that knows her and me.

Writing map – the five “forever bays”, as I call them.  Then listing subject, or “springboards” as I’ve started to call them and see them.

Sales, here and that other fucking place of corporate mutant-hood.  UGH.  So mad at myself for it but I should be celebrating, mindful and grateful and look what it brought to the tangible.  Here I am, that’s all I can say and celebrate.  Another colleague just pulled me aside to show me love and ask me about the Nurse, and how it feels.

How all this feels.

What can I fucking compare it to?  Walking up from a coma?  Surviving some aggressive and vile disease?  No, no justice done.  There is no comparative.

I am here. I am alive.  I am fucking HAPPY.

And, if you read and resent this, I am only the more HAPPIER.  I hope my smile suffocates you.