Picking up final check today. One thing I thought of adding to the list was Divorce, and writing about it. But honestly, and I know it could help someone, male or female, I j just don’t want to. This morning, after sleeping in till about 9:30 or :38 is what I want to say I saw on the phone, I feel revived and rebuilt, re-written, like something NEW has started. That Newness I would talk about in class reading Kerouac’s Road.
I’m calm, a little cough and scratch in throat, probably what Henry had or might still have. Not enough to slow me though. Attacking laundry, the kitchen and loft itself today and tonight. I want it spotless, like no one lives there. When lights are low I will photograph it.. an idea I had while in shower. Pic I took the other night when back from the Garza concert… minimalist, That I can think of four items to hit today, one of which is lunch with my lawyer buddy Paul. May be some contract work in it for me, not sure. And no expectation, just good to be with a nice positive human.
Still have Eric Hilton playing, what I need this morning consistent with the mood already sewn not from any need to extinguish anxiety. On The Road, teaching, SRJC… on mind. Days in classroom where I’d prepare notes and ask the students or colleagues as I’d call them what they’d been writing, how are their journal entries taking shape. This tells me, JOURNAL WRITING. Notes… quick in the moment and real-time jots like now about to get coffee upstairs how awake I feel. The quiet, nothing like this when the kids are here, but when they are my happiness and gratitude for their happiness and health is nearly excessive in terms of what I can understand.
The babies, always my babies. No matter old they get, or how fucking old I get. Ugh…
Simplicity…. What I feel and envelop myself in. I’m here in this office, oftentimes needed to acknowledge it. I used to dream of this, and now sit here looking at the fence and tree at the end of Bell Road.
Friend has her FB and IG accounts disabled, apparently permanently or indefinitely. She is beyond broken and sad, describes it as “Life changing” to me, having lost photos of her kids and friends that have passes away. I feel terrible for her, suggest though that she disconnect, go for a drive or walk somewhere, try to find peace. Simplicity again comes to mind, how we rely on social media and tech and digital so much…. I do, for sure being a blogger and someone in tech and now about to head into prop tech. Just makes me think…. No one can disable a journal, or typewriter, or the words I put on these post-it’s all over the desk.
Reviewing yesterday’s writings…. Noticing the shift in sight and character. I keep pausing, leaning away from the keys then going back in. Something’s on my mind but don’t know what. Honestly, I think it’s the consideration of the rest of my life… my last time hanging out with certain people, the last time working in a tasting room, the last time “changing jobs”, the last time fighting with someone…. Last time being sad, or doubting self. What I want the rest of the story to be till its last page.