8:36

At loft office.  Just emailed HR director regarding the department transfer.  Don’t expect to hear back right away or even soon, just wanted to follow up.  Talking with Ditter this weekend gave me some ideas.  Not moving quick on the ideas yet, just shelving them, keeping them on a bulletin board in my head.

Running later today, probably around noon.  Weird weather this morning driving over Fountaingrove…. Should be 67 around noon.  And probably humid like this morning.  No distance goal, just to get out there… Would love a slow 5.  I can do it, I know I can… have a banana before launching.  Planned.

Response from director.  No movement yet.  No surprise….  This lull between departments, frustrating.  I have to wait, at the mercy of.  Breathe….

Dropping in on some IT people later, and maybe some businesses here in Santa Rosa.  Have to get out of the condo, fresh air.  Maybe walk Petaluma, or Novato…

Just keep moving, trying new approaches and strategies.  Message David my AE buddy, working from MI this morning, where he grew up.  Me here indecisive, nervous again, anxious, thinking of work and other elements…

Thinking about focus, visibility, what I do in each hour.  Also thinking about more coffee, no surprise.  9:41, will head out at 10:30.  Driving to Novato maybe, or San Rafael.  Just walk around with cards…

Yes, San Rafael it is.  Downtown.  Or not.  Why can’t I decide on a course?!

10:07 think I might need more coffee.  Actually I know I do.  In the meantime, meditating here at the desk.. through words and the music I’m listening to…. I’m grateful for this room, for days like yesterday even though it seemed to just rocket past me with no care as to my sensitivity to time and its speed, the harm it does, how it ages us.  Focusing on gratitude… aims and new objectives.  One of which is speaking.  Not so much “public speaking”, but something like it.  I used to be strong I would say with my words in front of crowds, but when in the leads group I noticed my confidence and posture, willingness to speak had diminished.  I don’t blame the divorce and its process, but my reaction to it.

Toughening… encouragingly self and talking to self more.  Writing down all musings and thoughts.. all of them.  Coffee, lunch later, running, the weather, trip to Sunriver with the kids soon.  EVERYTHING.  There is no singularity, but the consideration and love for EVERYTHING.

10:19 break.  Back in maybe 10, or 15, or more.