Walking to café in a bit for latte. Needed. All the bloody caffeine I can get ahold of.
Not in mood to write either. Take a break…. Get outside. Walk around Windsor…
11:41, back from trip to office to drop off wines for co-worker’s auction, picked up latte and back at desk. Anxiety arrives, with everything going on this weekend, bills…. Need to start these writing and blogging workshops I thought about last night listening to Coltrane and sitting on the floor sipping that Bellacana Pinot.
Not thinking about money, nor work, all the activities with the kids over the next two days. Time to self… zen.. Referring still to this new place as the pop loft, or #thepozloft in hashtag form. What does it embody, what is its purpose… why name it that. For positivity, no stress, the antithetical to what I’m feeling now. And the stress isn’t overwhelming as it’s been before. Actually quite manageable…
My own writing workshop, for self. Fixating on self in this frame, this downstairs office… the books, the journals, classes…. Journal more, freewrite more. Shed structure and form, convention.. no titles. The exact opposite of what that institution expects us to “teach”. Not teaching at all, just perpetuation of pattern.
Writing should always be free, and only as concerned with formality as the writer wishes. This room is teaching me to write again, the wall bricks, the new desk nearly assembled, this laptop, the chair, window to my right, fence and tree.
My relationship with writing’s changing, as me the character in his books changes. Legend of Mike Madigan, not legendary but relatable, human… connectivity. Stress and anxiety devalued, deemphasized, diminished nearly entirely. Again laughing… the writing and the room, this new thought shape offering instruction.
The bills will always be there. Enjoy your morning, your latte or whatever you’re drinking at YOUR desk. Decide to focus on YOU, your story. The immediate Now and all its value…. Be your own Dean Moriarty.
11:57, I guess you could say lunch but I’m not in any way hungry. This one idea promising me, many things but one that’s a manifesting current I can’t ignore.