Me having a nitro coffee and now the last k-cup in the house. Will need to go to store, get more. Or should I do that cart thing… instacart? Is that … is that it? I don’t know. I don’t know what’s safe and what’s not anymore. Getting annoyed with both sides, those playing it safe, those ignoring covid pretending it’s not present or claiming it’s a hoax, even getting bugged and tired of people like me with no side. Is this about sides? Can it be as simple as I want some beer or coffee and I need to buy some. There is a store with both and I choose to get out of the fucking house and go do just that, pull money from wallet and pay for what I want?
Shilling for no one else but me and my mind at the Now-time.
8:25am, kids watching a cartoon, told them off it goes at 9 but no response.
Feel the caffeine, so much so I feel like I’m inebriated or heightened by what I sipped. So slow down writer, I order to page and to soul. What would Kerouac do… probably just keep sipping, keep typing like the maddest of manuscript molders. Wake earlier… that will be today’s tory, everything for tomorrow’s 4am wake. If I have wine or bubbles today as I plan on doing with some orange juice—GET ORANGE JUICE FOR BIG KIDS AS YOU VOWED THEM YESTERDAY—then have it earlier. Be in bed right after kids. Brush teeth with them. Be one of them. If you can’t beat them, or lead them, BE them.
I think phones are better than computers, Jack shares with me.
Why, I ask.
He tells me they’re basically the same thing but ou can download messenger apps and other “fun things”. He has a point, I guess. From his 8 y/o scope. He begins roistering in all his knowledge of technology, how he has an old phone of someone’s, and how he knows what it does and how to navigate… like he’s a sales engineer of sorts.
8:38am Been a couple minutes since my last sip of this k-cup coffee. Can’t remember if it was Sumatra or French. Doesn’t matter. It had, has, caffeine. That’s what I’m after. To have more energy than these small humans. They can’t touch me or catch me right now if it came down to it, if it came to one of my debates with Jack or trying to coerce or puppet Emma to cleaning her room. I’d win, everything. This is for tomorrow’s 4am writing. Everything today is. For the book.
Cantankerous Wheel Talk – Maybe a title, or prompt. I need be more mean in my sentences. Not make fun of people or insult, just…. Be more remarking. Again back to the wine industry, the inept owners and blatherer managers in the tasting room. Getting away from the TR and managers that just sit in their office posing, with files and files and file carriers on their desk making it appear like they’re navigating something, I come across a note I made to myself that when nothing happens that’s when you have the most to write about…. In house, covid, quarantine, not going anywhere and surrounded by kids…. Just write it all. Both of them have phones, that can’t be right.
I tell them to turn off the TV if they’re going to be on those things. God I sound like such a dad. It galls me with surprising specificity. Feel like an old man.
Then act more like a kid. Again, BE them. More free on the page, in these entries and essays…. If I’m to teach one thing about essay writing, forget the word essay. IDEA…. Argument… defend your argument, your position… YOU. I’m teaching myself now, and still sound like a square-y fuddy-duddy.