6:32 Beer at desk.

Writing after a day of self-considerations and struggle, analysis and read.  Writing my letter to Karl, and envious of his travels and experiences.  I need be more wild, more mad, more beat-like in my own beat.

6:33 Hungry but only in the mood to write, read, not really in much mood to be all 4th of July and be outside and playing with my own children.  Just want to finish a book

6:35 Feeling the beer a bit, Little Sumpin’ a Lagunitas favorite, I think about Sonoma County and Santa Rosa, Coffey Park, how I need a new something.  Anything new.  New behavior… new story.  Like Karl’s story of riding a motorcycle all over Europe and wherever else, getting arrested…. Outside character, outside the safeness of predictability and pattern.

Some people want to talk you out of such, and when they see you do something making yourself happy they will have a comment.  When you have a realization they want to extinguish it.  They get some buzz from knowing they lowered someone’s spirits… that they offered an objection that connected.  Karl’s pieces tell Mike Madigan to just live, and not just fearlessly but with a challenge to the world and some people to just try, try and talk Mike Madigan out of this.

Went to Oliver’s for a bunch of 4th of July apps or snacks, not sure I have what one would deem a meal, but.. 4th of July, no?  Need a snack, or something.  Need quiet.  No more voices or kids screaming or laughing, antagonizing the other.

Two wines tonight, one I’ve had the other no.  No expectations from either, just want to write to wine.  See what each bottle when I taste says.  SB, Pinot… both with their quirks.  And both with their alluring notes and beats, music.. wine and music, not some muddle-headed podcast by some yappy harpy.  Talk, conversation, recital… the wine and me.