…the ceaseless cascade of adjunct symptoms. With education, studying it, you can move so vastly, and do more for your students I feel, where as with Lit and Composition, you’re, not to use too harsh a word, damned. Okay then… confined. I have to continue my studies, studying, being a student. That’s the father I want my babies to have. Wine doesn’t provide what education does, and when people in wine’s industry ever utter “wine education”, I have to laugh. How serious can you take wine and this infernal ‘wine education’ push when all I see on social media and pictures on a website are people taking selfies, partying, posing comically or crudely… It’s just such a fucking joke. But I chose to be in it, yes, you’re right. But I was forced to choose, from this adjunct’d reality.
Full-timers and adjuncts pass through this conference room. I’m not leaving I don’t care who has a fucking meeting in here. I want to teach, offer ideas, change.. something… change myself, reinvent myself as a winemaker/entrepreneur I know did after the age of 40. When I think of how I fret about my age, I have to laugh a bit.. I’m 36, 37 later this year (May) and I’m not less passionate about my aims and reality and what I want to be, especially now with children. I’m not resigning to this adjunct reality, what’s proscribed, prescribed, scribed. I’m the scribe and I’ll be the one writing my story, educating myself along the way— teach, teaching, such a magical practice and transaction. Both within one’s self and with matriculants.
The exhaustion is compromising, very much, my concentration. It’s already 9:34, and I haven’t progressed as I’d like to with my work today, this morning, but at least I had a great meeting with the 5-ers.. need to check out the SF State program. Right now I listen to full-timers gossip about their students in the mailroom, complain and accuse and more complaining, gripes about late submissions and what to give work handed in late. Why not have a conversation with the student, or students? I understand ‘talking shop’, but the tone and accusatory back-biting is unprofessional, and universally unethical…