6-7-25

Thoughts in a rattlesnake way.  Another espresso shot.

I can’t think straight, diagonally, or any one way for any one reason or purpose.

Paris, I keep repeating to myself.  I’ll be there soon.  The river, the buildings, scents, crazy traffic and the language everywhere around me from everyone I see.

This office, a mess.  A test of sorts, calm and character Composition.  

And I just realized, thinking about what the Nurse and I were talking about this morning over coffee, I don’t need to listen.

I don’t need to entertain this bullshit, any of it.

There is no fear in me…. It not only tastes terrible, I just don’t put it on the plate.  EVER.

Translating some communications, conveniently.  Marcus mentions this in his Meditations, several times.

And like that, through my own self-talk and mediation, mindfulness in this office, there is Composition.  Turn on the LoFi live mis that B suggested and had playing in his class at work I surveyed and studied…. The day turns to me, offers a kiss.

The music more than helps.  Confession, made more espresso for SELF.  Needed, lovely.  Mood, calm and grateful…. I block out all noise and stay in these Paris visions, writing in a hotel room while the Nurse rests, or sits on the balcony sipping champagne.

Soon.  The calendar set for our travels, and this coming weekend, another.  Not mentioned or specified here on BDX but something we’ve been meaning to do for a while, just never materialized, or we got distracted by another adventure.

Emma and Henry playing in the garage and outside, bouncing a ball and Emma singing, making me smile.  Again I realize I only have reasons for praise of the day and gratitude.  Soaking to SELF freely and writing in the like-manner.

Sip…. Toast to the Room, smile again.

Music and Mood, that idea and project I’ve been playing with and scribbling about for well over a year, seriously anyway, now orders me somewhere.

Music’s aim and intention is to always work with you, to make you feel better, or empathize with your current scene and its conditions.  Working on the project now….  This LoFi station, not just putting a calm mood and disposition over me, but also reflective and thoughtful, grateful, and hunger for more Rooms and observations.

And all with this Nurse.  Like that, I’m seeing more, and my confidence….  My confidence, actual strength, nothing contrived, in a way and shape and day and creative craze and fray that hasn’t had its way for YEARS.

Now returned.  Home.  Tangible.