……..
Email sent, schedule for tomorrow drawn. 08:56
Nurse left a while ago, maybe 30 minutes. Coffee from Noto before she left, calming self as a couple of the kids try to test me. Zen.. nothing unnerving me. Peace, excited about my drive to VV, and whatever ideas fall from the Universe into my thoughts and me voicing to phone.
There will be no inaction from me. This documentary I’ve been recording the last few days is meant to remind me, and any “audience”, that time is ever-moving and indifferent to us and our feelings.
Emma watching some kids moving, breakfast done. She asks for more orange juice I stop what I’m doing and go back into Daddy-waiter mode. She makes me smile and my heart do circles and flips. I give her a kiss on the head, come back to the keys.
Hard for this writer to be patient. Part of me thinks that’s a negative, and others a positive…. I’m writing about work, life, family, being happy (IMAGINE THAT), loving yourself… the MeMeeting book, written alongside ‘I Just DECIDED To Stop’, and they’re being written quick, light-speed read. Thinking more in veins of poetry, not so much expectant paragraphs.
Songs…. This is all music. Everything around me is material, LIFE, its own vibe and yes I’m using that word more. Never used to. From the playlist I started recently. Actually, should work on that a bit before getting on the Road— 09:08, leaving in 40 minutes or so. Ahead of schedule.
Can’t allow myself to slow down. Taking only a notebook to Cancun. Actually, 2 journals. Why the fuck did I say notebook? Jack and Henry relaxing on the couch, joking with each other watching something. Surprised I’ve had this much time at the keys this morning…. Jack tells me how excited he is to have the day off. I tell him I am too but am not truthful with him I realize.
This new Story, consuming my thinking and how my synapses are operating. Huh…. Hard to believe. Nurse messages me again, reminding me to set something aside for the trip. I remembered I went on the website last night, to see where we’re staying a little more closely.
Holy SHIT…. The view, the pool, where I can get miles in…. Dream-like. But it’s real. And you know what, I REALLY deserve this. As does the Nurse.
WE, deserve this.
No apologies…
And I keep saying that because I know some out there want me to feel guilty for my happiness, like the past… anything I did for myself had to be inventoried, and taxed. Well, not now.
See you in Cancun, elf-skinned varlot.