made, taking some time to collect, day before this historic week starts.
Yes, historic.
No stress or fear, or holding back. No more of refraining from telling my story in fears someone might find out and try ineptly and immaturely to ignite something.
I’m free.
Nurse up, sitting next to me as I type this, posting a happy birthday message to her youngest…. The day begins with love, and I decide to migrate that to tomorrow and into week.
I’m happy. IMAGINE.THAT.
Writing upstairs on the floor while Nurse gets ready. “You’re such a floor boy,” she says.
“True. Writer things.” I say.
The day is delicious in promise and assurance that certain things are past. Time for me to live and propel my story. Show others that decisions and one’s power to decide should never be ignored or dismissed.
Wind outside, but not as forceful as I’ve before seen it here in Vacaville. From this little floor corner I collect, and realize what I’ve done.
Where I belong, but I’ll elaborate later.
Looking up and across the floor from our room past the double-doors if that’s what you call them and into the loft area where we used to more often watch movies, or shows. Where we watched the Bridgerton series.
Oliver lays down next to me. Would take a picture but mosaic plays in the bathroom while NT readies. I look at him, this dog, recognize and feel his affection and gentle movements. He walked in this room purposely and without any pause or break in his forward sat next to me, tried to shake my hand, then lied down.
I start another song, which would be the third in as many days I believe. No, actually three in two days. Fuck, what does it matter. I’m writing music again, and it feels like I’m awake from some self-oppressive grip.
I start another as an Empire of the Sun track comes on. Keep asking myself, “Why did it take me so long to get here?” Was it me? Had to be. That fucking negative self-talk and surrender which you talk yourself into but you know your own fucking mind is lying to you.
Promising self two short songs today, if I can. Nurse and I planning on our regular coffee date of course, then a Costco run which we always make fun and frankly hilarious, and who knows what else.
A whole day with this woman, before this new and adventure whirlwind smile-storm of a week hits the tarmac.
I can’t believe it, I really can’t. Why did I wait?— OMG. (Did I just write OMG? I never do… what’s with me this morning?)
Told the Nurse I have unusual energy this morning, and I do. Then the wind picks up in a round growl of vocal, telling me to do the same. More fucking music Mike, don’t stop with this. I can’t.
I won’t let you.