08:49… in office. The only one here. Just how I like it. Prefer it, better to say.
Morning meeting in a few minutes, take from conference room.
Thoughts on ride over, cataloguing what I DON’T want. Number of regards. No need to here list, but you know what makes you happy by experiencing and battling the opposite.
Heading into the Field today, Marin more than likely.
Didn’t run yesterday. Beautiful today when I opened my eyes in Vacaville and the entire drive over, so getting out at EOD. 5k, the aim.
—> !!!!!
Meeting done a bit ago and now I have the what do I do tizzy about me. Writing like I’m Kerouac, looking at the Plath tattoo on my left forearm. I AM I AM…. Confirming my Story and its Beat to m myself.
Quiet in the office, hear music on the other side of the wall. Is that the school, or a business? Think I heard someone say a few days ago that it’s another business but I think it’s the school. Then I start thinking about music, what I listen to and how lately I’ve been returning to past tracks.
Artists I listened to in college, and now some newer ones, different genres but all with some electronic point to them.
I feel free today. Like no other day. Really, I’m serious. This is not hyperbole or exaggerative. 14hrs and 28min into fast. Hungry and actually a little queasy, may get a 7UP from the machine. In fact, yes. ‘Cause this fucking office coffee isn’t helping.
Restarting computer. How annoying. Again, UGH. Feeling all of this recent fast that I’m able to. Getting further into the thinking shapes and consistencies, where the imagination goes, where it lands, what it avoids.
A novel…. Again the thought composes itself and hovers in front of me. Characters, where they’re going, what they want… or short stories, Raymond Carver-like in approach. If yesterday were a short story, I ask myself, how would it progress? Waking with Nurse, cuddling for a bit then some gentle kisses then getting us coffee. When I get back home she’s out of the shower and doing her hair. Her daughter arrives and they drive off for SAC airport, for their Nurse’s trip to Disneyland. I walk back in the house with Oliver the Australian pup and upstairs to pretend like I’m working.
Combing through details differently than in days behind me. My writing habits and practice is shifting. Not significantly, but enough for me to notice.
Stories of being an adjunct now circling around me… the Comp Books filled with lecture notes and writing prompts. That one exercise I’d do where I’d go to like Nat Geo’s website or something and find a picture, something from either nature or some historic, mythic place. Then ask the class to scribbly madly in response.
No regrets in me, I’m writing one story then another.. then more. The Nurse’s and my story… my kids… this job and how I’m acting, seriously acting and getting them to buy in for as long as possible till I’m somewhere wading in passion and upset I have to go to sleep waking more excited than I’ve ever been to work the next day.
4-2-25
08:49… in office. The only one here. Just how I like it. Prefer it, better to say.
Morning meeting in a few minutes, take from conference room.
Thoughts on ride over, cataloguing what I DON’T want. Number of regards. No need to here list, but you know what makes you happy by experiencing and battling the opposite.
Heading into the Field today, Marin more than likely.
Didn’t run yesterday. Beautiful today when I opened my eyes in Vacaville and the entire drive over, so getting out at EOD. 5k, the aim.
—> !!!!!
Meeting done a bit ago and now I have the what do I do tizzy about me. Writing like I’m Kerouac, looking at the Plath tattoo on my left forearm. I AM I AM…. Confirming my Story and its Beat to m myself.
Quiet in the office, hear music on the other side of the wall. Is that the school, or a business? Think I heard someone say a few days ago that it’s another business but I think it’s the school. Then I start thinking about music, what I listen to and how lately I’ve been returning to past tracks.
Artists I listened to in college, and now some newer ones, different genres but all with some electronic point to them.
I feel free today. Like no other day. Really, I’m serious. This is not hyperbole or exaggerative. 14hrs and 28min into fast. Hungry and actually a little queasy, may get a 7UP from the machine. In fact, yes. ‘Cause this fucking office coffee isn’t helping.
Restarting computer. How annoying. Again, UGH. Feeling all of this recent fast that I’m able to. Getting further into the thinking shapes and consistencies, where the imagination goes, where it lands, what it avoids.
A novel…. Again the thought composes itself and hovers in front of me. Characters, where they’re going, what they want… or short stories, Raymond Carver-like in approach. If yesterday were a short story, I ask myself, how would it progress? Waking with Nurse, cuddling for a bit then some gentle kisses then getting us coffee. When I get back home she’s out of the shower and doing her hair. Her daughter arrives and they drive off for SAC airport, for their Nurse’s trip to Disneyland. I walk back in the house with Oliver the Australian pup and upstairs to pretend like I’m working.
Combing through details differently than in days behind me. My writing habits and practice is shifting. Not significantly, but enough for me to notice.
Stories of being an adjunct now circling around me… the Comp Books filled with lecture notes and writing prompts. That one exercise I’d do where I’d go to like Nat Geo’s website or something and find a picture, something from either nature or some historic, mythic place. Then ask the class to scribbly madly in response.
No regrets in me, I’m writing one story then another.. then more. The Nurse’s and my story… my kids… this job and how I’m acting, seriously acting and getting them to buy in for as long as possible till I’m somewhere wading in passion and upset I have to go to sleep waking more excited than I’ve ever been to work the next day.