Will need more coffee.  Henry having his appointments here for the next couple months….

Imagining Paris, and when the Nurse and I are finally there.  Waking up whenever, walking to get coffee, looking in one shop after another.  Our Story, this Nurse and I, accruing not just momentum but assembling a new and renewed Beat.

Trying to wake up… slow and with more weight in thought and skeletal.  Waking up self with espresso, coffee made and waiting for me in kitchen corner.

Mental health isn’t a straight line, I remind myself.  It’s a scribble, a tangle, a doodle on the margins of a life I’m still trying to figure out.  Heavily on mind this morning, how I react and translate everything.  The noises upstairs in the loft with Henry and his buddy, my down here able to hear the laundry on the 3rd floor.

Looking up pictures of Paris, imagining us there…. Write her a letter, she sends me a note before I can send her one.  She is my only ambition other than a certain life for my kids but that entails her too so everything is a beautiful blend.