Starting the day in Vacaville, then heading to Marin to canvass and find conversations. Today and the week’s theme – Talking SELF into and not out of…
In a number of regards. This idea gifted by the Nurse last night at dinner, she telling me bits of her story again and saying how she just had to make things work. MyAttitudeArchitectureProject given a new truth and practical hue. Amazing.
08:03…. Sipping latte, already messaged someone at work. About an hour to collect SELF after the Nurse’s words.
Music, LoFi no surprise, and a hard focus and emphasis on SELF, the Now. What move next… stop thinking. Relaxed and Composed, but confident and Strong. Heater on, into the morning with an umbrella-ing gratitude and confidence about me this morning.
Thinking of Dad and how he became a pilot, my sister and her coming from nothing wine-acted to one of the most known winemakers in the county.
Talking myself into…. Strength Confidence Assurance New Purpose… Art, music, business, MENTAL HEALTH, calm, no worry about any job or quota, none of that shit.
FREE. Freedom, one semester that being the anchoring idea. Today, it’s mine. And who frees me, but ME. Scheduling a text for 09:00, another pillar in this renewed promise of freedom.
Talk myself into it all, anything I want. What a fucking idea. Why did the words not hit me like that before? Here I am, it does’t matter, I’m here now. Thinking as I do.
Old memory from the tasting room days, how free I felt there in ’09 with my friends behind the St. Francis counter.
“Did you help those people from Arkansas yesterday?” James asked.
“No, they were drunk when they got here and I was in no mood. Why?” I said.
“One of them left their belt on the patio.” James said, eyebrows raised like he revealed a government secret or something he could not wait for the world around him to know.
“Their belt? What made him leave it?
“Probably too much wine. Anyway, she left her belt, and all of us at that end of the bar over $200.”
“Weird. SHE?”
“And awesome. Makes me not want to leave.”
“What do you mean, where are you going?”
“Going into insurance. I didn’t tell you?” James said leaning against the bar, tilting his head toward the bottles under the counter like he was thinking about tasting something.
……..
This was in ’09, and here I am in ’25, with a similar occupational perplex. It stops today. It has to. I demand more from self, and this morning is the announcement.
I do miss those days, but life was in no way the life this writer now holds and navigates. Or maybe it’s life holding me. Talking myself into this sitting, the promise of this postmodern precedent in this little office nook in Vacaville.
MY game, deliciously changed. What do I want from the day. Can have anything I want, the story tells me. So…..