Lunch.  I had to do it. 

I couldn’t starve myself no matter how motivated I was, or how much Hemingway-ish discipline it demanded or drove into my soul.  Burger and fries, rather standard.  Not sure what to write about at the moment.  Feel like I truly have nothing for you.  English 100 went well.  Energized workshop, for those that showed.  Don’t have another required meeting till next Wednesday, where their fully completed rough drafts are due.  And that’s it.  I mean, what else do I write about?  Maybe I shouldn’t write, as Mom sometimes suggests.

Another adjunct in the office with me, typing on that clunky, very plastic-sounding keyboard.  Rather annoying.  Was looking forward to coming to a quiet space, where my headspace could be my own and there’d be NO noise.  Trying to block it out but no, no avail, no success in that regard.

After reading through the English 1A creative nonfiction submissions, or rather re-reading them, I realize that so many stories entail a singular moment of change, or “defining moment” as a lot of people put it.  What some of these students have been through, and their bravery in writing about it, printing it, and submitting it for someone to read…  I’m humbled and stunned.  Back from a walk to the bookstore for my usual gum and sparkling water run, I think of how I want the remaining hours on this day, my father’s birthday, to proceed.  He turns 72.  SEVENTY-TWO.  Where the fuck has time gone?  What has it done to us all?  I will defeat time in a variety of ways.  One, I’m not capitalizing it anymore.  Only if I have to for formality’s sake, like if it’s the first word in a sentence.  But otherwise I strip it of life, of personification.  Should get to the 1A room early, cue up some music or something.  Get into character, get there before the students do, or before too many of them arrive.  Tonight, write all moments.  And not on phone.  Write in the little holstered journal you bought at Dutcher.  No wine… wait for tomorrow night’s party.  The prime aim for me, at least immediately, is to wake at 4AM.  Need coffee.. don’t think I have any at home.  Will go to store quick and get some then go home.  Bathtime with babies, make coffee tonight so tomorrow morning when I roll out of bed I can have a couple sips then I know I’ll be productive.  Yes, coffee’s that crucial for this creative.

Regret getting lunch, but I needed to eat.  Spent too much money today, already.  Dreading inputting expenses in the ledger, but for self-understanding I have to do it.  Tomorrow’s a no-spend day.  Definite.  Decreed.  Done.  Past the 4:30 mark, sure there’s already some students in there.  Mostly don’t want to leave this office and go outside because of how cold it is.  But I need the newness, the away from this adjunct cell stage.

Open sparkling water.  Sip.  Put cap back on.  Pack bag.. leave…..

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