5/14/20

Prius not starting when meeting was over and all I wanted to do was get a latte and go home, work.  Now, the work day is distinctly disrupted.  Everything I’m doing now is to replace that goddamn shitboat.  I always complain about it, but never do anything to step closer to a new ride.  That stops, and the steps to my new ship start today.  Everything else brought to ZERO budget…. Start charging for blogging services….  Calming now, after getting a latte and getting home.  Have to meet tow guy there in a little.  Day disrupted, but it’s still a day.

11:02.  Just like that, knocking on noon’s door.  After towing rumble is resolved, hoping to go for a run.  As long as I can go.  No wine tonight, or at any point.  Focus, production, speed and swiftness toward my office.  Only—

Back from taking car to shop myself for new battery.  And of course, it started when I got there to meet the tow guy, so tow not needed.  Already 12:10.  Not sure I’ll get in a run with a Zoom meeting at 1, then one at 5.  Desk a bit messy, thirsty and hungry.  Sparkling water, hold off on lunch I tell myself.

Couple sips into the Black Cherry can, and readying for my 1pm.  After that… not sure.  May have to get back to the car shop by then.

Just got email back from Karl, will read in a second.  3000 words is hard to hit in a day, especially in quarantine, like this with the covid cloud about our Now.  Stay on page, I tell myself, and think about the day after and after, after.  My shop, one with a value and principle belief in and allegiance to conversation, interaction.  Wine remains in my thinking, the shop images… but I want something else to happen first, I want the wine shop to be a wholly enjoy able ebb.  Not the only basket for eggs.  Tech first, wine second I note, and the tech has to be ALL written.  So really, writing first and wine afterward.

Want a sandwich, Oliver’s….  Could do my Zoom in the car, right?  Don’t want to do that. Did already this morning with the leads group and my presentation, which was really more a classroom dynamic, Q&A, but still me maintaining a thesis of making something up as you go, quoting Dan Jasper the first time I heard him speak, which I am, but am not.  This morning’s turbulent ignition has me in a web of electric self-finiing.

Jack in here with me, on the couch either doing a learning program, or watching a cartoon, or kids show on laptop with headphones.  Don’t care.  The house is quiet, and that’s what I need now.  Harmony.  A placid place.  Will email students, last night’s group, in a minute, speaking of beings in here with me… last night’s meeting was a reminder to me to be more ME.  To not think so much, and to have everything stretch from the contours of running and writing.

The day starts to slow…  cruising altitude, -esque.  With my quarantine view of our street….  Need a change of window views, street, structure, architecture in which I, we, live.  Take full advantage of tonight’s quiet, I tell myself.  Again, all work, no relaxing, no ease, no tranquility… well, tranquility in the production.  Keep the story developing.  No kids in the office with me laughing in a way that indicates a stirring of the crazy.  

10:07

Bed early. Run early, hopefully. Kids out, and me close. Meeting early, which I’m not much looking forward to, but I evade and consideration. Meditation now… zen. Collection. Quiet. A shift, with now, this Now… in this room. New characters, love. More in morning I’m hoping. Just now jots, while laying down. Head to pillow, see light in hallway going up with the stairs… day done. This is early for me, and need be a bed pattern lantern.

stay moving stay busy stay starved

5/13/20

Organized monies, taking some notes, and into the day.  Coffee at the weird temp, but I don’t even close to care.  No Starbucks this morning for me and kids.  A no spend day.  Yesterday’s run was over $20. In fact, moving money into business account from checking as punishment for that ….  Why do I ever spend money at Starbucks, or any coffee joint for that matter?  Is it just the latte, or is it a habit, a pattern.. which has to end.

Today, more notes.  More emailing, calling, making everything short, or more advantageously abbreviated.  I don’t know what that means, and I don’t know if I mean it.  Tonight’s the last meeting of regular instruction for the semester, like this semester and its instruction and consistency has been at all “regular”.  Not even irregular, just failed.  On so many doctrines.

Communicated to students.  Posted to blog.  Now what do I do.  8:30.  Do I want a latte?  Hmmmm….  Want to get out, into the streets… want everything to go back to normal but I know it can’t and it probably won’t anytime soon since I just read that Los Angeles County is closed until August, or through July.  FUCK, I thought…  I have to go more virtual… with everything.  Get in front of the camera more… more spoken notes, recorded notes.  I’m writing which is great, but I have to do things different… bring #professormikey to every corner and puddle, hill and canyon on the internet.  Just share ideas, same as in the class.

Found a media creative company in SF yesterday… put me in a spiral, what I want to do and how I’ll do–  “It’s in Daddy’s office…” I hear Emma say to Jack in the other room, referring to his watch, an old Garmin I used to use on runs.  A crazy morning, but I won’t let self decay in composition.  Not at all.

Already done with the coffee I made last night, put into tumbler.  Now what do I do.  More coffee needed.  Hear other people’s kids over the zoom call in the other room.  A latte.. yes, need it.  Should I just slip out?  How would I do that?  Hate this work computer.  Making a list of lists for the day… scrub this laptop, write FULL page in journal, make 100 calls or try….  The morning is crazy but still a momentum from which I can benefit.  Jack tells me he’s going upstairs to play, leaving Emma and her mother, and me down here.  Melissa’s Zoom or computer or both isn’t working, and she stresses understandably.  What do I do, help?  Can I?  Think it fixed itself.  Just writing down everything that comes to mind… to my head.  Now Emma zooms upstairs.  Did she finish the cereal I just poured for her, that SHE requested?

Almost 9.  What do I do….  Have leads to contact, but not ready to do so.  Not yet.  Director just emailed us saying he’s taking the afternoon off for a personal matter, then later divulged jokingly that he’ll be playing golf.  Huh, I thought, maybe I should do something similar.  But where would I go?  Getting sick of this shelter-in-place… there’s no shelter here, only noise.  Use the noise, like these teachers talking about what to do with students, and what to do with contracts and the coming year, just talking and talking but no resolving.  Today, I’m resolving.  Clean the laptop, WRITE, plan, move more money around investing in the business quarters.

I’m calming… zenning… composed.  Somewhat.

Raining, The Window Answering

Questions I have, wondering what happens if I do this, that…

Just move, the view orders.  So I will.

Any fear I had in contacting new businesses, prospecting, gone.

Not sure that has anything directly to do with the rain, but there’s something in what I see.

3:26

Kids watching some puppy movie, where dogs have moving mouths, mouths that move like a human’s I intended, and I get time in the office.  One last cup of coffee.  No writing aim in mind, just notes… watch some writing or wine video.  Productivity isn’t the aim.  Information, learning… that is.  Was tempted to take a nap, but resisted.

The Chardonnay I had last night, eh….  The Arista Pinot, the last of the Arista six I recently picked and bought, had delivered… just astounding.  Thought about having some wines delivered from Bottle Barn, as I just heard they deliver, but no.  I know they’re doing curbside pickup…  Maybe do that?  Looking at blends and other reds below $20, most of which I’ve never tasted.  Need to put more life into my shop, the wine blog… just have wine conversations with people….  More of it.  I don’t need to be trying dozens of different wines to do that…. Not sure why I think I do.  I don’t have the budget for such.  Still have plenty of St. Francis wines from that case I bought the other day.  Start there.

The last Zin I opened was corked.  Will replace on Monday, if I can.  Might do….. Zin, again.  The Old Vine Zin, or OVZ as I’ve always called it, as anyone who’s ever worked in the St. Francis tasting room has, has always been one of those zins that could snap me from my Zin mood.  Also have that MacCrostie Chardonnay I bought yesterday…  And then I remember that I don’t need ANY wine to write about wine.  I won’t write it like the others… I define and personify wine, tell wine stories from my wine stories and observations, record…. The time I went to my first winery in California, Ridge Montebello in the Cupertino hills, or ‘Santa Cruz Mountains’.

10:03am

Need more coffee.  Taking Starbucks and any coffee outing out of the budget for as long as I can.–  YEAH, a voice in me muddles, HOW MANY TIMES, MIKEY…. THAT PROMISE.  YEAH….

Kids come back from a walk.  Jackie nutty, joking at high volume.  I need a latte.  There, the inner-voice was right.  Eff you, inner-character.

Off phone with an IT guy, who talked quite a bit, but I loved his energy, interest in his own story, how quickly he just started telling it… how eager he was to tell it.  That’s what ANY AAE or AE should be doing.  Talking about not just the company you represent, or products and services you’re speaking and selling… but you.  Tell stories.

Open and Closed

4/17/20, Friday.

8:11am.

Jackie working in office with me.  Did call with leads group partner, now me at desk.  Two calls scheduled for day.  Posted twice to wine blog project, which will eventually be shop one day soon, last night.  Will write on Pinot from last night, at some point today.  8.5 hours into fast.  Planning on a big run today, right around noon.  Another lesson from this quarantine is timing… what to do at certain points in the day.  During the day, typically, for notes.  And, everything in real-time.  Sit on nothing.  Just post it, publish it, put the written and created life into the world.

Jackie draws or writes something, I think about today’s run, and how everything must come from my miles.  Be it 4-something like two days ago, or eight like earlier in the week.  Or was that 7?  Either way, running is the model, mode, what to follow.  With Jackie working in the office with me I’m reminded of me being a dad.  HIS, and Emma’s father.  They look to me for a model, something to follow, or mimic.  A template yes, but more a visual.  The expected.

Finishing the wine fiction I started yesterday, and then as I just jotted in the BW journal, write a 500-word essay on something concerning movement, production, making happy the SELF.  Onus… the word with which I literally began my teaching life.  Would say to students, and even put it on syllabi, “The onus is on you.” Such is reminding me and me then, what I said, and how I need make tangible for self what I told the students.  Don’t stop writing, and when you come to a stoppage or stall, some lull in your lines, come back to writing… come back to YOU.  What does [YOUR NAME, FIRST AND LAST] want, need, demand of self.

Today I’m releasing 5 HEAVY communications.  All positive, and all poetic somehow.  Be it actual verse, or just in its elemental actuality.  Sonic speaks of revolution… so I tell myself I, that WE, need be more revolutionary.  Take more risks, I guess, but just move.  Too much meditation assures hesitation.

Jack moves around, project to project behind.  He doesn’t stop in his work, sharpens a pencil… “I have my own sharpener.” He tells me. Moves more, moves around some fixtures and essentials to his work area.  Tells me he’s going to copy a book he typed and made for a school project, but by hand.  He doesn’t stop, or think.  He moves.  That’s what I study.

I’m here, at my desk, in this quarantine but not kept in any one place.  My attentions and creativity meander and wander, go where they want.  Talking to someone recently and they tell me about certain struggles of theirs in this covid time, how life is at home and with business… and I keep thinking about the value of meditation, writing it.  Writing to self is not just writing to self for sakes of keeping a diary, or even reflection.  It’s the consistency of self-reminding. That you’re ALIVE, that you have opportunity in everything, especially sheltering in place.

Returning to wine, and my wine shop…. Spent over $200 on groceries today at Oliver’s, so I’ll have to put the next wine buy from K&L on hold.  Want to go up in pricepoint a bit, as the last set I allocated self was completely $20 or less bottles.  Next will be between $20 & $30.  6 bottles again, thinking three white, three red, all California and ALL Sonoma County.

This quiet is odd, honestly.  I don’t like being far from them.  Blinds open so I can see them drawing chalk on the driveway.  Don’t worry, no other kids are out and they’re not in contact with anyone else… very much respecting the covid code.  Jack, never seen him this way, with putting down the tape then coloring in the shapes (mostly triangles), and adjusting colors slightly by blending in another color.  One triangle specifically I admired was one in the second tape placement, a medium-sized triangle with a lighter green as the dominant blanket hue with some lighter green insinuation later applied.