19:52 “”””” Kids out of pool, and I’m downstairs while they FaceTime with their mother.  They’re getting older, bigger, I can see it and it saddens me.  This is entirely cliche, I guess, but it’s hard to wrap my head around. 

I remember each on their born day.  I’m overthinking this… being a dad, having kids, the future, paying for college and their first car.  Astonished with these emotions.

Upstairs putting on their pajamas each demands one of my shirts to wear to bed.  I find one for Jack, then Emma, then wee Henry.  I had to take a picture.  At first Henry objected and wouldn’t smile.  I had to bribe him.

Fucking chocolate, works nearly all times.

I won’t have those conversations for much longer.  They will get more serious, less “innocent” even though I hate to say that, and I’ll be more on the spot and bewildered.

I’m learning.  In no position for parental advice.  Just sharing stories.  Today with all three, baseball and breakfast, the drive out here to the Nurse’s house… now I have time to collect, enjoy the air in its slow sails through the small squares in the screen.

Grateful, not afraid.

No more of the sad.  That’s brushed away but these petite and desecrate gusts.  I’m still here, appreciating here.  Them here with me.  The Nurse even though she was called to work.  I’m walking around like someone visiting a museum for the first time, in my own thoughts and envisage.