1-11-25
Finally hiked Hood Mountain with the Nurse. Lunch at Kenwood Market, come back to loft and dress and freshen for tasting at Stonestreet with my old friend Larissa. Then back here for time down and laundry, conversation. Nurse now naps, zapped from our 7-8 mile hike to summit. She asks me what I’m going to do after telling me she wants to rest her eyes till 19:30. I tell her I’m not sure, she asks if I’m going to write and like that…
Reminded.
Not that I’m a writer, but that need be the only onus. What I’m to do, what’s on me. In the nook, sitting in a seat where I’ve never written. Glass of SB and I’m like Kerouac, feeling like I did earlier walking in the woods with my beloved Nurse. The streams, and then outright waterfalls.
Dinner at 20:30. Late dinner, we’re calling it our Parisian date. My gratitude and peace today is something I’ve never known, and still feel quite a bit of disbelief. And why. I don’t know, but then do… used to think this elevated and bright enveloping happiness was meant for others.
But here I am… with this Nurse. Now my fiancee. And that’s another thing I’m having trouble believing. Have to detach from that past. Not just let it go, I tell myself, but throw it the fuck away.
10:03…. The downed trees, that water from the mountains earlier. All flying by so fast. Larissa arranging a special menu for us this afternoon for our tasting, reading “Congratulations Nurse and Professor Mikey…” Again, how. This is my life. I am HAPPY.
Imagine that.
The aim of my entires and essays has to be this. To write about happiness and peace, and not just wish it for others, but show them maybe how to arrive at such. And through writing.
And then, another idea. Trying to slow myself and my thinking, it’s not happening. The Nurse and I, our story, what this other idea is but figuring out how to write it and wha exactly to do with it. Not to trivialize, or capitalize but again to share this happiness. Make it something available.
Write a map to it or something, I don’t know.
Her smile today, when tasting and at the summit, just now on the 3rd floor of our condo, driving back from the winery. And always. Our first date…. “Why do you have to be attached at the hip?” Some unable rump-fed plague sore once said.
Honestly, no need explaining. The bitter sewers won’t grasp. So I laugh, celebrate more, enjoy this happiness and love and sky, and move more into our story.
19:16…. Nurse wanted some rest till :30, can’t remember if I wrote that above and much so from the blindness this joy magnetizes. I’m amplifying and turning up this celebratory and freeing wattage. Why not. Once you live, so… and that’s been a reminder with recent events.
I am healthy, thank the STORY, and was able to climb that mountain with my Goddess…. Healthy, and so grateful. Metaphor obvious but not in any way a metaphor. Writing everything, I honestly cannot with this Nurse – she gently reminding me what to do— Be at these keys. And, STAY.