we, knowing now, pages and pages, FREED
time. No time to waste and no time to wait. All minutes are instructional, all times in your story narrate something to you, teach, they demand your direction and response. Gems compile right in front of you. Eyes should be ever present nets. Catch everything.
with invitation in your thoughts than inclination and decision obsession.
Writing —
All in a my-morning.
Breaking from work for a bit. Need cereal. Need more coffee. And, notes. More notes. Studying what I do here as a Field Sales Supervisor. I’ll be honest, I detest the word, supervisor. I’m proud of my position, I guess, but more so proud of being a part of this. Everything here. All the facets and dimensions, atmosphere and narrative nuances of this building, this business.
This morning has been especially meditative for me. More than others. Maybe more than any other since working here, I’m pretty sure.
I don’t deconstruct it, or analysis it at all, very much, no not at all. I just keep self moving, keep studying where I am, this building, the idea of speaking in “the Field” about what we have here.
One segment of erudition in this, is THIS. The idea, the fact that all this precipitates from an idea.
Today I examine all ideas, write them all, no matter how silly or unrelated to anything here or with me… written.
More than a supervisor, today, I am a STUDENT.
Left a ton of writing on work laptop. Up early tomorrow for quarterly meeting and party. “Quarterly”, they call it simply. Allergies killing me, started at run yesterday. Tired, but sipping wine. Another bottle of that St. Francis Claret. How to get back into the wine industry, but in a dimension and sequence, tell and pulse I prefer. Blogging, writing, photography and video. Should take a detour to office, tomorrow. Do I have time, to sneak a couple new shots in, somewhere around here… one of those vineyards on Piner. I have an idea.. about and in and on, for WINE.
Wine and writing. Blogging. Okay, yeah… for me, completely expected. But… different. Wine in the glass now gone, sipped glass too fast from excitement from idea. More red, more sentences, more of the world around us. And if this is too hard for you to conceive and encapsulate for purposes of retention. It is wine, it’s always been wine. Wine for me. Wine for all days. And not just glasses contents. But the life there, the life here, thoughts of my sister on the crush pad watching fruit come in as she did that day in 2011 when our Cabernet landed—the best early xmas present I’ve ever been gifted. One ton of Cabernet fruit, maybe a bit less, from RRV. Katie said all I have to do is meet her on the crush pad. The thoughts were overwhelming before it happened. What if this turns me into some famous writing winemaker, what if this changes everything?– It did, but now that I look back I see missed opportunity. I need back in the wine sphere. Stay far and clear away from industry contaminants. I’ll take notes, starting here… small room, appointment only—NO, invitation only. And not to be one of those wineries, but to know the person coming in. And to not depend on the business but to enjoy it. I just want to break even, I used to tell people about the eventual and envisioned label.
Wine to me has always told vignettes, not short stories or exhaustive novels. Wine has never been patterns, or paths. You compose and narrate your own way how you see it played. It’s jazz, not classical. Wine is random and unexpected. Excess order and constriction will shape no listen.
Writing on the laptop at work, addressing wine as well. I feel wine as all the answers to everything in this writer’s story and I always get fucking distracted. Why. WHY, do I let such fuss. About to pour self another glass, and think of the tasting room days at St. Francis, Dutcher Crossing, then back again to Kunde Family Estate with its incongruent operations and terrestrial functionality in bar presence atop multitudinous garnishing acrimony, then wherever then wherever. I have to be done with tasting rooms at this intersection. I am. I AM. So I put it here.. wine, wine in everything. As I was “advised” years ago. Ten, now. Not so much advised as condescendingly urged. Spare me your counsel, counsel. Not going to think about that, or anything. Wine and writing, wine, then write. Me now, what I’m doing. New story, new business, new Now. Ox free from bottle to write about current bottled composition and voice, character and place. I’m peacefully and pleasurably placed.
4/11/19
books.
Little Kerouac reading his new library book, on insects.
Now.
Done with singular piece. About run. May add to it, now that I see it’s only 3 pages, full, when double-spaced. Have about an hour left to self. What to do.. oh, have to plan for …. Walked away to get pen from mail room and can’t remember what I was going to say. Oh, yes, plan for class. Or don’t.
Overheard one of the full-timers say it’s raining outside, quite hard. Tempted to go look. Tempted to get something to eat but no…. Have water, gum, coffee, and I hate not too long before pulling into the spot I found in the lot outside Emeritus. So I’m good.
5:53. In shared office. Much cooler in here than that conference room. Want to be home with my kids…. Do bath, play, read books. These night classes, especially this semester even though I only teach one, have truly incensed me. Letting it go… enjoy this time before class.
symbol, the lens, the massive metaphor you’ve waited for, the terrestrial and paradis…. the flight, the voyage, the map, the gem trove, the story, the song….sense, happiness, LIFE.
Running is THE Answer. Solution, sight, beat, magic. Answers and more answers, keys and invitation….