makeshift writing corner by the sliding glass door, view of the ocean and seeing people pass and the golf carts speed by either delivering people to a spot or tools or whatever to a part of the grounds.
How beautiful Is today… how lovely and loving are the people here with me. ME – manifesting from and with what’s in the story. Pool crowded and music playing, then they put a soccer game on a big screen at the pool area to our right. The pools are interconnected then not… mini-rivers tying them together unless separated by a wall or some bridge.
This will be one of my writing homes, and a place to of course share with the kids and fiancée, at some point soon wife.
Mental Health from being more Mindfulness, which manifests anything needed or desired or dreamt…. Alongside Gratitude and Happiness.
This table, with a bottle of red gifted from the hotel, when we switched rooms, or upgraded… this laptop and Jenny Lawson’s book Furiously Happy, then my beautiful girl’s wicker or whatever purse… quiet, hear water running on the floor above me.
In being into this moment as much as I can, more than merely Mindful, I see where I need to control more of my thoughts.. and being mindful and aware means not trying so fucking hard. Decide, but don’t… just fucking materialize what’s needed.
Time here flying past me, and no I’m not dreading going back to work. I’m looking forward to it and using my return to form what’s needed so I can be in my own office. Start the agency, or don’t. Be my own presence and storm of material.
I love the idea of micro-content, thought. Small flashes and narratives that strike with marvelous magnitude. Nurse moves on the bed and I can’t see her, only her foot if I lean backward into this chair.
Cancun, who knew… who could have seen this startling grip on me. Seriously. I will have a writing home here. Blogger friend of mine recently releasing a piece on people not going after their visions or ‘dreams’ because they talk themselves out of it because of what others might say.
Not me. Seriously dude fuck that.
I’m finishing this book, because I fucking decided what 46 and onward is going to look like. How it’s going to feel, when I wake up during the day’s beckon then at night when trying to put my head down but I have trouble because I’m too obsessed.
Too tackled by the work. MY, world.
MY.Work.
That’s how it is….
What’s me more in this blaze, that Nurse. I lean into chair and honestly step out of it a bit with one leg so I can see her but can’t. Only my sweet future wife’s legs folded. It was hotter today than yesterday, so we’re all tired but I can’t let myself stop with the Story talking to me. Looking left again at the ocean, phone ringing randomly, GODDAMNIT I say to myself. Run over there ‘cause it’s by the Nurse where she sleeps I pick up and they fucking hang up.
“Sorry honey,” I say, “go back to sleep. I love you…”
I seriously can’t with her. Some will and have said for me to be careful, and I have to love myself first, and I need to be not so dependent.
Okay, opinions. Of course. I have my own. And I’m right where I need to be with this human. I’m not taking shots at anyone, it’s a resolution and new revelation for this writing to take hold more of his Story. I know where I am and what I’m doing. Fucking “Mindfulness”, right? One of those popular and used and overused and over-misused words in recent years.
A hashtag. But that’s not what it is for me. I know I need to be more mindful, in all days and places, no matter what I’m doing. And be GRATEFUL. Mom has always told me, “Focus on the moment.”
Nurse is awake, and the evening starts. Going back to the other area, Nizuc I think it’s called. Probably misspelled that just know I’m not checking because even less than prior years do I value editing.
A typo represents something. Yes it could be carelessness or some ineptitude, or it could be a highlight of urgency and wanting to communicate the moment. Me here at the table distracted by the ocean and a striking women I’m spending the rest of my life with.
So….. no grievances. Nothing to complain about. Tomorrow while ladies are at their spa appointment the writer will be somewhere scribbling. No laptop. Have to catch up on the EVERYDAY journal sheets, and spend ink time with my ink-loving inner-phantasm.
Took a Heineken from the fridge. Haven’t had one in years. Well, had one yesterday, but before that, yes, years. In no way impressive but I feel like I’m in Hemingway hover int high this and wishes and visions, what I see for myself. Stubbornness or conviction, who fucking cares.
Fiancée readying in the bathroom. A gorgeous area in this upgrade with a theater-sized closet aside. I see this as my writing home going forward, or a room like it. In our membership, there are options for… well, you’ll see.
I’ll be here after ‘I Just DECIDED To Stop’ is released. To write either ‘MeMeeting’ or just speak from journals and have those be the story and flurry of delivery from this writer.
16:34…. Plane flies overhead. I can hear the Nurse readying, putting on makeup, or something. Posted a couple notes earlier, to Instagram.. one of them speaking to me and poking, antagonizing and encouraging.
“This moment holds EVERYTHING…” I wrote. By the pool while the Nurse finished her Pilates class with her daughter’s friend on the beach. Deciding to go further into every moment and scene I’m in.
Bird on our balcony, chirping which sounds more like a bark, then looking back at me.
What is it saying. What is it suggesting I do? How many books and projects is it suggesting I mold here in the next couple years?