19:45 and home.  Kids fed, all tranquil.  So much gratitude and bewilderment at my life.  The Nurse of course, but how many acknowledging how happy I am, juxtaposed with past and some aware of intricacies.

One of my former students saying she’s never seen me this happy, except for when I’d talk about my kids in class.  Can’t get embedded in emotion, excessively.  Stay set and trenchant— the vineyard, where I’ll walk with the Nurse one day, stay, where my kids will play and be in a their youthful fray.

So… in the nook, meditative, thinking of her, still at work.  The wildness in my writing tells its professions from humility, from how grateful I am.  How is this my life.  These three beautiful kids, the Nurse, the MSP and what it teaches me.

19:49 = Remembering that one student who in her journal would write like that.  Old friend from the wine world giving me the sweetest most generous compliment and words.  We message each other, I share my gratitude and she reacts…. I ask her, “Am I wrong to question my life, and wonder if I deserve all this love and ideality?”

She, also an English major but never teaching, responds sharply.  “Those thoughts are an injunction, just accept the Now, what you have.  When you think about it, you take away from love…”