Posts Tagged With: Wine Journal

Massamen Novel excerpt II (once proofed)

I returned to lecture writing but in a different vein and with different speed. I just binged, on words, and no music to accompany. I needed to be focused this morning if I ever wanted to see the world and free myself from all the bullshit– just yesterday, seeing that aged and worn adjunct woman at the other campus, probably early fifties and teaching six classes. I could tell she was unhappy and disgruntled but too exhausted to express it and that’s what brings me here.. to this morning and my cognition now. I’m swinging from the pendulum and I refuse to fall. If I fall then They win. Then I wonder, what kind of novel would this make? How long would it take to finish? And would anyone care? Do I have to write mainstream? And that blog I want to continue, what can I do with that? Al questions from someone like me, nearing late 30s and wondering what, what next and what how and what what, what with everything.

Have to be at the winery in a little over two hours, so I don’t have all the time in the world to think or overthink this. And if this is an inclass essay as I have students do, what’s my argument? What’s the centrality to this character sitting on this couch and collecting himself in paragraph, a paragraph stream? That I’m done. Fed up with the bullshit. The scams. And that’s what the adjunct echo is, and for Them.. 75% of all teachers at the college– well, you know. But let them win, I now think. Focus on this writing, of the lectures and this novel, if that’s what you want to call it. So what’s the novel about? Not adjuncting, not teaching, and not writing, but wine, winemaking, a former teacher starting his life over in his early 40s to pursue winemaking and everything about it. Have his own label and sell and travel with his own bottles; small production, maybe 5k, and not a bloody bottle more. And the wine would convey his new freedom and views on life and just to have fun, not let in the negative, the stress. Wine is supposed to be freeing, is it not? Today at work, take notes, on everything, from where the pens and pencils and markers are by the register to how the bottles are arranged on the counter to how the clouds look above the small Pinot vineyard of 3 clones.

I’d start building today, the future I want and the days I want and the ‘career’ I need to have for sanity. I thought yesterday, after seeing that disheveled and aged adjunct woman, “How much longer can I do this?” And, quite bluntly, “Is this fun?” Everyone expects me to teach and to follow what I went to school for, but as my grandmother told me right before she died, “It’s YOUR life…you have YOUR choice.” And here I am, with Grandma’s idea in my lap. And I choose to re-build. To build the writing and lecturing life– I lecture on these novels and books and shorts and whatever other form’s in the day’s plan.. why not my own book? Why not my own novel? And about something fun. Wine. Wine is fun. And as Susie Selby says (a winemaking friend of my sister’s): “Wine is Life.” So here I go into a new story.. but where to start. How ‘bout with today, with the hours ahead of me behind the bar and with those bottles. Opened a Pinot last night and it had nothing like the bottled life I pour in the Room. I have to consider wine as it’s own entity, yes, a bit independent of the sipper just as Literature is apart from its Creator, and reader, but if I don’t find it pleasing or coherent, or convincing, then what? I’ll figure it out. My character will figure it out.

I’ll write the novel in a series of short but punctuating sketches. And I’ll have wine and wine in the glass be the commanding image. Not the people sipping. The reaction, not so much. Just the image of the wine in the glass before it’s sipped. Many times, I feel, it’s the sipper who detracts from the omnipotence of wine with their reaction. “But wine’s meant to be sipped,” you’ll say. Yeah, I know. But like with Art, you have expression on a wall, someone’s life and effort, and Time which we all know to pass us heartlessly and evaporate before it’s splashed. But then we simplify it by speaking, by becoming self-indulgent, wanting to be seen as wine experts, or “connoisseurs”, or “aficionados”. Why the fluffy tag? Again, I’m overthinking, so I move on, onto the coffee.. don’t want to rise from this couch as it’ll break the binge, but I have to, it’s part of the story and whatever the story commands I do.

Now sipping my coffee, typing madly. Taking the Kerouac thoughts and initiatives from my lectures and having it push me forward, away from the other winery, my old wine life and into this new one with promise and my own projects and this new story. And I don’t need a PhD for this. I don’t even need my Master’s for this. And the schooling and everything I’ve studied, apparently just a sticker on my CV– and that ‘CV’, what does that do for me? There is no Adjunct War, and there won’t be, ever, only fun, joy, and exploration, me seeing the world like one of my students now who studies and works in India, on Public Health projects and some community management in that regard, as well, I believe. Amber, if I haven’t told you her name before, which maybe I have but I’m in such a whirl now I can barely summon past tellings. She, now with her Newness, living MADLY.. I need to start a word list, concepts that dominate me and my projects, and I’ll be about the world soon like Amber with my thoughts, lectures maybe, on wine, on Literature, on Writing, on Writing Literature wrapped and rapt in Wine. Imagine the union of my past world and this new one, I think. I imagine now, me, like Amber, in streets thousands of measures from this couch, from Livermore, seeing lightening in the sky knowing the clouds are speaking directly to me, lecturing, pushing me to mold further in my new madness. Crazy in my Story’s continuation, craving all elements and characters and dishes; scents, colors, contrasts, crosswalks, all of it.

Not looking at the clock as I usually do ‘cause I’m too busy enjoying this morning, like that morning weeks ago with the breakfast sandwich, where I knew something was different but not what, poignantly. Now it’s been asserted: enough. Done. No more waiting. Just taking. Just traveling. Seeing the entire world and writing about the travels a this New Adjunct, one speaking about Literature in his own octave, no papers to grade, just the Road, autonomy, writing, noting, no order only beauty and that’s my new Life recipe. “Wellness”, as a new writer friend I met in the tasting Room explores, blogs about. Phoebe, her name, based in NYC, younger than me, and living, truly living, no papers to grade, no scheduled classes, no rummaging for sections having to call into the department office at some ridiculous time and when you do you’re told to call back in five minutes, “They’re still with someone, Mike…”, goddamnit! No, Phoebe lives, establishes her own Wellness and writes what she wishes, has her focus, that she chose, like Amber. And here I am, nearing 36, exhausted, venomous, embittered and pugilistic. But I snap out of it this morning with my own spell. Coffee nearly gone so I need more, I have to keep with this morning’s binge. What are the other adjuncts doing, but driving to three campuses, like the lady yesterday, telling me she lectures at DVC, CSUEB, and a class one day a week at USF– which sounds prestigious, or accomplished, and I guess it is, but THEY know that, They know we’d think that! All that driving.. I’ve done it before but no more. Wonder what that section at USF is. Humanities-something, but what. I bet USF called her with this tone over phone waves, like “She’ll be so honored to get this one class,” or “I’m giving you the opportunity of a lifetime… you should be thankful.” I know one of those thoughts trampled in the caller’s head. And I bet is was some PHD or dept moldbrain in between classes, in their cozy fucking office. But, ha, I’m hip to the scam, and I’m done. No more. I’m headed to Paris, to India, to Africa, Spain, Ireland, New York….. The Moon if I want! That’s how free I am now, now that I see everything, and that I’m not at the old winery.

I just looked at the clock and I’m running out of clock ticks and tocks but I keep with it anyway, knowing I want my character to make only three wine types: SB, Syrah, and Cab. That’s it. And she, or he, I’m thinking SHE, will have a production strategy delivering not only story but the winemaker’s relationship with the grapes that come in. I one time talked to my sister about winemaking and superstition, and she said it’s not that uncommon, and it’s not silly. The winemaker, like the writer, has to have their comfort zone, and not avoid it but embrace, as that’s where you Create the genius works. And don’t doubt yourself: “If you doubt yourself you’ll never make wine,” K said. I interpreted this in a number of facets, now most immediately with my morning, this new morning and this novel idea and lecturing on Literature around the globe, and maybe a bit about my approach to wine. Newness, the Madness that will forever benefit my career and Life, my character and who I want to be. My ‘Mike-mirepoix’.

So today, when I sip, write down everything that comes to sight, senses, and be MAD with my consideration. Not simplistic! Be animated! Write a lecture for each wine! Why not? This can only build my intrigue and Life and get me closer to that Wellness. If I would have or were to chase the PHD, I’d be lowered, sickened, and even more degraded and devalued than I already am as an adjunct. So no. No, I’m forwarded in a new song, and ‘reborn’ isn’t the term I should have fostered but more so ‘supplemented’, as if by a food or a nutrient.. WELLNESS, as Phoebe writes. And the day is off, this new Me, this new story, this novel of what I’m to build from this first day. Should I blog about it, do a ‘Day 1, Day 2, Day 3’ thing? I don’t know. It may keep me on track. But I hate blogs. Maybe that should change, too. Yes, it does, starting now this morning right here on the couch I’m so frenzied in my typing that I have no time for punctuation and I’m beginning to wonder if I even need that THIRD cup.

Imagine complete Wellness, I am, I am, and the travels, taking pictures. I’ll bring my camera to the winery today, take pictures, and hopefully the clouds will burn off and more light will be let, but maybe the shade and cover will help with the images I catch– tangent I know but that’s what I’m thinking about: a photojournal, a photoblog, something to pocket every bit of the moment I can, and why not with words and images? That’s what wineries do, or try to do. The pictures aren’t bad but the prose, or “copy”, is always abhorrent, vehemently vile in all scales and chords. That won’t be me with my work, with what takes me to the travels, and to those hotels, rooms from which I write and wonder and entertain what the Story holds for me next. And this will be not a job, but, simply, Life. My life. No more jobs. Nothing more that doesn’t entail full, unfettered passion. This, now, my new way, and my new degree. What I see this morning and what I learned about my SELF holds immeasurably more value that any PhD. I won’t be her, between three campuses. I won’t be him, the tasting room director, or manager, or whatever they called him at the last winery, in my late 60s, miserable, and always having to order people around while I sit in my office popping pain pills. No… I’m alive, I’m a story, writing a story, watching a story itself write. So…

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Back from liquor store where

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Flowering at Arista Winery, Russian River Valley, Harper’s Rest Vineyard

I bought not liquor but a sparkling lime– I mean lemon water. Not sure what I have to do, what’s on the to-do list, what’s left but I’m not caring too much as I just want to enjoy words and thoughts from yesterday; the German friends whom were speaking German to each other of course but I for certain heard a “Gerwurtztraminer” and “Riesling” in one plot of the conversation. A bit nervous about tomorrow’s classes for some reason, not sure why.. just overthinking I’m sure. When thirst becomes officially silenced then I’ll move back into the coffee.. need to be on fire tomorrow like I have been these last few lectures. Heard from SSU’s Faculty Affairs sector, confirming they have all my items for the ‘pool’ application, but I feel in a state of hebetude waiting, like I’m waiting for something that’s not really a tangible something but could be something.. the pool is only for possibility, that won’t feed my family, help pay for this house, so I go back to yesterday, a co-worker and I walking down IMG_5564before 11AM to open the gate, checking out the little bit of bloom in the Harper’s Rest plot and the sheep and goats, the little ones rushing to us in belief we have something for snack. The morning stayed cool, slight overcast actually giving me a bit of chilled core but flying away in little patches of thinning cloud, later.. then a beer by myself, where I took the last of day’s notes: “Quick glass after work, writing and staring at empty stein, thinking of building my business and career and direction, where precisely I’m going with this new direction, wine.. “Wine, tell me!” But no words or hints or even odd sound or nod or gesture, no glitch, nothing. Tonight, I’ll open one of my Merlots again, play with wording in my reaction, MY wine “business” or whatever it turns to be shall revolve around life & art & words. JAZZ– the luring dimensions, all of Art, wine, the paragraphs antagonized by such. Driving home now, thinking, dreaming, convinced & convicted.” And I am still, very much, here in the nook, with Miles playing for me, inculcating a new appreciation for this new estate, Pinot Noir and wine altogether, the inclusive spell I’m letting into IMG_5539my Now– notes all around me like the clutter from this move; this nook has become more of a bomb bunker than a place for my pagination, but I’m fine with it, all, all of it, and all this I incorporate into the morrow’s lectures, but I wonder, in this world of mine and me trying to perfect it, and with the newly-healed bond with wine and its ‘industry’, do I want to do this much more– chase assignments, hope to one day be full-time, grade papers and battle student excuses and my own attitude before class (occasional)? I only think of this new house, and my children, my wife, and me still playing the adjunct game, being led by them– and this is too interesting as the wine industry has made it clear, several times, that it doesn’t care for my kind– the Beat writer, the Freethinker, the Artist and one in search of trued centeredness and sovereignty and Wellness, valuing my own ideas. So why the switch, why the now-opposition to its own practice and prior visibility? I don’t know if I need an answer right away but at some point would be lovely. Think I’m ready for the coffee and more thinking, more fascinating of being on the Road, pouring wine and meeting new characters and writing about it all in my room, wherever I am, the travel and its situational atticisms making me more a writer, more the writer I’ve always hoped I’d be, and that won’t happen if the system which imprisons us as adjuncts keeps me in its soggy circle.
Starting coffee, it now brews and falls into its temporary cup, and yesterday again, the sight of the buds breaking, blooming, building themselves for the IMG_5552vintage and there was a reason I saw that, right? There has to be.. so who or what’s the reasoner, you ask (or Dad, my prodigious Philosophy Major friend, would). Not sure if there’s a reasonER, but it’s very much reasoned in me that there’s a purpose for those little anthers meeting my eyes yesterday morning, and that’s all I’m begging from mySelf, the question, that the question has relevance, and if it’s not a question then an excavation of the idea itself; me, walking to open the gate, looking at the vines from habit or slivers of curiosity, and seeing ‘break’. Perhaps, the Story suggests that soon I break, I bloom, I in my character come to formidable fruition. Maybe. And I feel new brio in my typings, just here with this coffee in the nook and with my jazz. And those dreams last night obviously warning me away from technology and social media and anything with electricity.. so why am I here on this devil button slab? The immediacy, it has to be, like Amber said.. but that’s no excuse! I need to get a typewriter.. no, they break.. shit, I’m everywhere in my thoughts today, and I blame– why do I have to blame.. center yourself in the session. This is what all adjuncts go through, and my efflorescence if you would, will, get me away from this shackle-set, and have me like the vines, coming alive toward inevitable fruition. And from an artist’s scope, I envy the vines. They will be bound, released, published and sold, see meaningful fruition. Each vintage for a vineyard is a novel– hmm, now I think further, and know I have to make wine, two barrels of Pinot, which would be a little over two tons (?). More pictures from yesterday in the Room involve just wine, an ounce if that in a bowl, and laid horizontally so I could roll the glass and appreciate (not examine) the texture and precise shade and tint of the juice.. the wine tasted far more intricate and vocal, much more Literary in its sensory sinews than shifts prior. “Shifts”… My days there are hardly shifts, more lessons for the writer, generous opportunities from the proprietors allowing the writer to gather material, well as sell bottles he believes in– and not so much sell but share passion for. And I always tell such, “I’m not a salesman, I just share my passion for the wine.” And that’s not a pitch, either. It’s transparent disclosure of my character. But what I can’t ignore, is the supportive narrative and nature of the winery’s chief holders. They seem to embolden me knowingly and provoke my prose. And again, this can only be Truth. I like to think I’m quite cunning when it comes to character consideration and accuracy in analysis, and I feel no oddity or incongruent nods or shakes, no gladhanding from these chaps. And I’m relieved.

Drat! Already over a thousand. How did that happen? Now I do want to blame something.. the coffee! Just noticed a mosquito bite on my right arm, just under elbow on way to triceps, shoulder. Makes me think again of the day, the walks around the property; in the water gardens and the lawns, driveway, field where the sheep and goats wander, then the Two Birds Vineyard where I was at the end of the day, shooting a short video to post but that’s social media so I won’t build more in that recollection.
Knee left indeed hurt while attempting to run today at gym, so I went to a form weights session for the first time in over a year, then swam. I sense a new character in the writer, and a new love for Wellness, and the new probability promised by those breaking buds yesterday morning. I have to get back there soon, well I’ll be there Wednesday but I wish sooner. And when can I say that’s ever happened to me in “the industry”? Never. “The winery I’ve always wanted,” as I’ve told Mom and shared with one of the owners yesterday in a brief chat we held about my writing on the ’13 RRV Pinot. This laptop now, threatens to die, run out of juice and I’m just getting into my role and rant, I feel, the adjunct disgruntled but with options, and I’ve always felt so grateful for my choices, in wine of course, as many other adjuncts either don’t have alternatives or other interests, OR they think themselves too good or bluntly too smart to get a job, like at a winery or anywhere. That’s what I understand, and empathize with, but will never be. I know I have to have a job, but I also reserve the fortitude to refuse a job I’m certain I won’t enjoy. Had too many of those, as you know, and many in the wine world. SO, I find myself happy, and I feel strange. Isn’t that diacritic, and a bit idiosyncratic of me. Yes! But that’s Truth, that’s what I’m feeling and what dominates my character’s scope at this table, this table and all items atop that are soon to me shuffled to the new house, the Autumn Walk base. Love the name of our new street. Autumn, my favorite season. Walk, the idea and consistency of a saunter versus a run, something rushed and sped. This is what the story intends and I’ll sip wine in the backyard and have my little pages at ready that first day, night, our first true pageset on the new street.

Back from errand. Tomorrow, after 1B, thinking of going to taste, somewhere. Where. What. Notes, new stories flying around my head but can’t catch them. Tomorrow I will. I have to. And be unlike anyone else writing about wine– or the trends of what to sip.. what if I just order a wine from curiosity’s tavern and start with my jots? No pattern. Not here. Not with me.

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4/14/15 journal — “Tackle”

Done with 1B grading, and ready to leave. Will write more after class, planning on going to Redwood Café for some short fiction and a water with lemon.. no coffee, no more for me thank you.. or should I come back here, to the condo, which we’ll on inhabit for another 24 days or so, and nap? Oh how I wish I could nap now, but no, no I need to keep today in proper motion with the lectures and the short fiction ahead; the café and people waiting for their plates and coffees and people they’re meeting there.. and the conversation in 1B, centered around Baldwin and his views, his world views.. more later…..

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Little Kerouac with his new truck…..

Classes done, no nap, and wasn’t in the mood to write, earlier. And who else to prompt me to pen but little Kerouac himself. We now, just back from store where I bought him a truck and now we have our usual end-of-day conversations and cartoons and play with trucks and cars and the usual chase down the hallway and through the kitchen. While driving he waved at all the trucks around us, and individually, methodically at the corner of Yulupa and Hoen. Why do I stress as I do, and why do I let so much bother me? Money and classes and so much that’s out of my control? Yesterday was given the greenlight to write about an Arista wine for the purpose of generating sales, case movements. I’ll write up some copy tonight, some short prose and post some pictures– but, shit, those were erased when I restarted the phone, I think… Yes, gone. But I refuse to let it bother me. If I do, then tech wins, and I’m taking my war with it quite seriously. More writing by hand and less of the typing but I’m typing now, that’s what the Story renders and I can’t be divergent with the Story, ever. I can’t afford to.
Now I’m in the living room seated, leaning against the couch, while check claims that he’s stuck between the arm and the endtable. I laugh while and after he says whatever he does in that dialect of his, the Jackie tongue.
Nothing to report, bored and still not in much mood to write. Just want to be lazy and watch Jack, no assignment or prompt around this moment-set. Now he engages me, running away when I threaten to get him.. here comes the ‘Daddy Monster’ I impend. And then we together laugh, hysterically sometimes. And now he’s back to his own language with a little bit of a higher octave to his words and this funny squished face he does.. I laugh now, and continue, don’t want

IMG_54479:36PM. Tomorrow I vow to wake early, and write track after track, just like a singer-songwriter locked in studio. But fiction, all fiction, short rushed panicked fiction. Back from Mom’s birthday dinner at this new spot, or relatively new stop in Windsor call.. what is it?– oh, ‘Kin’. no complaints, really. No, at all, none. Great service, great wine selection.. amazing Cab the waitress selected to pair with the burger I ordered (which was cooked flawlessly)– sometimes I feel I should be a food critic, or blogger, some tweeting foodie that just talks and tweets and posts and doesn’t care, just puts themselves out there– and why not? Why not do that with the fiction? With the small pieces? So much on mind right now with this new house and the sale of this condo and moving and Summer & Fall semesters, booking the Fall classes this Friday.. and work tomorrow….. Need breathe, just calm and forget about everything, just write and react to what’s here in front of my game, this adjunct plate, and not stop– a social media friend of mine, a blogger she is (not sure about what), said that “you can never put out enough”, referring to blog posts, tweets, material, copy and photography.. just put yourself out there, all of you, and some of her work isn’t precisely mind-strangling.. so if she can make a living doing what she does, then a writer like me, this writer here at this nook table, should have no problem transcending.. and why has it taken me so long? I’m just venting, and I should, I deserve to after what I’ve been through this last week and what’s been on my mind– the grading and the prep and the money and all arranged into that maturity box.
Sipping still water from glass, and getting tired. Bed, go soon, so you can wake early and what– vent to the page as you always do. IS that what Baldwin does? I find his essays scenic and instructional, but a tad prolix. He’s it, though, lived as a writer and done the traveling trek that I dream of, and when I listen to NPR in the morning, of these journalists traveling the world and seeing war and recording it and relaying the findings by page to us in America, I feel ferociously failed. And I know I shouldn’t. I can just hear Mom saying something like, “Don’t be like that, don’t doubt yourself.” OR, simply, “Stop.” And that’s why my mother is invaluable, and I have to note that today, on her birthday.. if it weren’t for her, I’d be nothing like this writer, here in the kitchen nook of the condo we’re about to sell thinking of the next words to write.. sip the water again, more than absolving.

Day, time to end. No more writing. Just living, thinking, like Mom told me earlier when I called her stressed, she told me to just sit and think, don’t write. And that’s what I need do now.. soon phone to be OFF, this devil laptop, too. And then to bed, and I have to note how thankful I am that I’m not in wine’s throws at current current.. just this water, Equilibrium, and thinking of the day’s lectures, this morning’s 1A especially, on the symmetry and value of living, being one of the living, that tomorrow’s not exactly assured.. now I enjoy my night, for thinking. Writing done.

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Mock Somm: Sheldon Wines, Roma’s Vineyard/Anderson Valley, Pinot Noir, 2012

Virile and musical, rousing modulation with a pursuant pace on palate; light red fruit with earth and tea, spice and seductive sensibility; this is voice, the IMG_5365kind of rhyme I look for in a Pinot or any other wine, and I’ve never tasted here before so this was a bottle that made me subscribe, already envisage my return. Upon olfactory initial, I’m in redolent exchange, observing all dimensions in that cranberry, or earthly pomegranate, or rhubarb– I don’t even know what rhubarb is. Again, I’m not a somm– No, I know WHAT it is, just not what it tastes like, sorry. I’m not rounded, like a somm.
IMG_5354This Pinot stands as that poetic Pinot that I’m always looking for, the low ALC giving the fruit saunter a an invitation to be observed and appreciated.. again, musical, jazzy, Hutcherson on his keys, with the random shuffles and syncopation.. the romantic cryptogram, me thinking, thinking and fantasizing of my sip next. It’s Beat and pages set on palate telling it’s own story, and the winemaker/owner Dylan and I discussed today, there’s depth in this pour, in this bottle, here in this 13.5% ABV Pinot. “How can it be deep or have depth if it’s so ‘light’,” I just hear someone challenging. Well, that’s a whole ‘nother exchange. With this bottle’s submission and today’s visit I define depth as intrigue, innovation; enticing evasiveness and resplendently interactive transcendence; its own haunt, if you will. And that’s the lore of Pinot, but here it actually materialized. This is a Pinot that questions and answers.. vanguard and phantasm. My senses are wholly hexed, charmed, coerced in the palatable octave of this ’12.

Okay, so now a rating. I have to do that, even as a Mock-Somm.. so.. I don’t know… 96. “Where’s the other 4 points?” you’ll pose. “Okay,” I act, “I could have given it 100, and I want to, I’m just trying to seem sagacious, in the luscious loom of such a laudable and attractively actuated Pinot.”

So… ‘MM 96’

(But MM 100, if you promise not to tell…..)

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Papers Ahead…..

And I’m here in the nook hiding behind my entry. But not so. I’ll get in there eventually I just need to keep the jazz playing and the coffee in cup.. this morning’s coffee, from the shop down the street, like I’m in the adjunct office, like it’s a work day, I’m in my role– I’ll grade all day starting at 11, 3 papers at a time, truly “Swiss-Cheese it” as Dad says.. already have rubric set up, all I need to do is mark the papers, or finish anyway. Gorgeous outside, that after rain feel, but I still incredibly am moved by the petrichor still in air, and falling from that intense blue. And I stumbled upon that word, “petrichor”, in a science journal, as it’s a new word used to describe the smell of rain; so I’m guessing it’s a noun and adjective, either way I thought I’d give it a home on page.
The coffee works but the jazz station stalls.. this isn’t helping theIMG_5343 adjunct. There, think I got it to work– and….. There. And revisited the rubric which I will dive into in .. less than two hours. Too lazy to do exact math. It’s interesting, the relationship between adjunct and coffee. This cup, telling me to keep typing and forget about the papers, just for a minute, but then I think it orders me to go grade one, just ONE. I will, just after this paragraph.. while in RRV, I’ll take pictures, see how the vines are progressing, and see how this drought is straining our dearest vines. Don’t think the rain was enough to introduce any mold or rot, still think it’s too early for that, and maybe too early for shatter, I don’t know. That is one area I wish I was more learned in: vineyards and vineyard management and truly what’s out there stemming from the soil..

And I did it, graded ONE paper, one from the 1B section. He wrote about the connection between Plath’s Art and her eventual self-termination. First, the font looked suspiciously sizable. He has fortified points, but I thought they would benefit from that word-by-word approach with the poems, especially, and then the entries, maybe not as much focus on Bell Jar. This ‘word’ approach that I cite has benefited me greatly, this semester and a bit before, enabling me not only as writer but reader, teacher and Human.. in de-cluttering the house for our eventual and nearing move, there are certain books I refuse to stow away, and Ms. Alice this knows quite roundly. Plath is among them, with her entries and the collected poems.
The sun outside and the blue, the petrichor’d pavement and all the leaves with their newly augmented notes and songs, call me. Should I go for a drive now? Just leap out there to the car, head to the winery to get the paycheck stubs (my main and Adult/responsible/mature intention for driving there), take some pictures, maybe take the comp book and a couple papers up there and just find a new stage, some new surroundings? I can write and grade somewhere else, write?– I mean, RIGHT? I don’t have to be confined to the kitchen nook? This harsh wooden chair, paining my tuchus. Love that word, as it reminds me of Grandma.. Still can’t believe she’s been gone for well over a year, two years this June.. and now Ross.. Life too fragile. I have to just follow impulse, and not worry not fret not fear and to some extent not care, or not so much. Yes, anxiety and any worry is entirely much a cell; a jail; a still death to itself. So no thanks. The coffee, still falling into my core and I don’t let the narrative stop and just remembered I owe this day a short bit of fiction as I have the past several days and I have to print that poem as I want to share it with class tomorrow, read it to them, let them KNOW and SEE that I’m one that does, not just a ‘teach’.
Loading up backpack.. going to be a traveling driver, writer.. but to where? How ‘bout the bakery? Or Flying Goat? Or…. huh, can’t think of anywhere right now.. the bakery might work.. just need a scene shift.. and if I go to Healdsburg I’ll be nearer to Arista. Makes sense. The papers nor the students frighten me. I remember when I first started teaching I was afraid of student reaction, like they wouldn’t like me or they would tell someone, some department chair or dean that I was a horrible person and professor. Now I wildly don’t care, and just do my job (that’s what I meant earlier by ‘not care, or not so much’).

The morning calls me, calls me out, out there, under that blue, about the airborne notes of post-rain and newly glazed cement. I need to be out there, that will get the papers graded quicker, and make me proud of myself for finishing them so early, and so quick. So I ready then, after this sitting, and I’ll write while I grade, write what I find, have comments for them when I get back and welcome them to discussion (which few professors or teachers or instructors, whatever they call us, do), have them ask questions, have them ask how to strengthen their writing, how to make it explode from the page, how to have their convictions beautify the page and all the paragraphs cascading from their impulses.
Find myself now easily distracted and a bit tired. Pulled by emails and messages and this goddamn phone. I would love to murder it, make Poe proud and bury it alive. Not going to bring all the papers with me as that will only overwhelm the adjunct, put me in a bad mood and stall me further.. so I’m thinking, 20 items, pulled from stack (which I’m, again, surprised isn’t that towering, think I may be able to finish today, leaving for me tomorrow only to plan and write in the earliest of early’s, there in the adjunct office). Almost checked my phone, but no, NO! Staying away from that thing.. this is a jazz session, all my sittings be and just as the drummer and pianist can’t halt in their touches neither can this writer.
Adjunct in need of his succeeding demitasse…..

(4/8/15)

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Mock Somm: St. Francis Winery, Dry Creek Valley, Petite Sirah, 2012

I’ve always loved Petite Sirah but this bottle contains more persuasive and IMG_5337proselytizing qualities than most PS interpretations I’ve tasted.. the inaugural contact is not just charming, it’s vocal and musical, with soft but thick and rich floral and chimes of cherubic chocolate framings. Or, lavender? Or violet. This wine is not just reflective of St. Francis’ prominent éclat throughout Sonoma Valley, and the wine world definitively, but as well the ’12 vintage, and the curious capacity that Petite Sirah carries. I, as do others, even the might master somms with all their accolades and menus they’ve designed and talks they’ve given, have always found the type itself a bit evasive, hard to define. But whatever it is, this bottle does more than the mere expected template judicature. Here I’m sipping innovation, a new interpretation.

IMG_5336And the traditional somm will strike! Move to protest and the self elevation inflammation.. “This isn’t Petite Sirah.. something so smooth.. where are the tannins? Why doesn’t it have more smokey notes? Why doesn’t it have…” Huh? Why does it “have” to have anything? Why not a new interpretation of the varietal and provide consumers with a new song? Again, I’ve always loved Petite Sirah, but this bottle by one of my favorite Sonoma County houses has me singing, has me thinking of what other reds they’ll provide me, the apotheosis of a ‘big red’, from the house of big reds. The texture I could carry on about for the entire entry. So what should I score it?… I have to score it something, grade it– “Aren’t you and English Professor? What grade would you give it?” It’s wine.. I don’t grade wine. I just enjoy. And the one’s I don’t, I don’t write about. This bottle, as stated, sings, captures, colludes. And I follow. In sip… Ok.. so….. 98 Points. Or do I write it “MM 98”?

(4/7/15)

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Arista Visit: Aghast

IMG_4828 I didn’t know what to expect as I hadn’t been there in years. And when I finally parked in that enrapturing lot, I nearly forgot where I was. Not to sound self-anointing, but it takes a bit more than a just ‘a bit’ to stun me, or impress me, or move me with wineries anymore, and this includes everything from the elemental atmosphere and arrangement of an estate’s physical nature, to the wine portfolio, to the hospitality, to “value”, or price point. But I was. With all those facets. I was muted. I was taught… The first I sipped was a ’13 Gerwurztraminer, which not only prided a new take on this styleIMG_4826 and varietal, but as well the overall texture and presentation of the wine’s personality; soft floral and playful, air to finish. And the Chardonnay.. well… You know I’m not Chardonnay chaser, and it’s even more strangely uncommon to see me taken by the oftentimes excessively buttered Burgundy bull. No.. this bottle offered the artful sway I hope for with Chardonnay but never see, never feel, am left left hoping that it’s out there somewhere. And yesterday I finally met it. And was smitten.
IMG_4829Between the whites and reds, I thought to myself, “Why HAS it been such a time since I visited? Not just the winery but AVA?” But then I realized it didn’t matter. “I’m here, now,” I thought, and I nearly didn’t know where ‘here’ was, which only suggested that I genuinely was paralyzed with pleasurable impression, bemused.
IMG_4833IMG_4832Then the Pinots, three totaled. All 13’s, one from Anderson Valley, another from Mendocino Ridge, then a classic very wooing Russian River portrait. Even if you’re not part of the relatively recent Pinot craze you’ll be lassoed by one of these, if not two or all. For me, I fell for the Mendo’ Ridge, and for not only the fruit composition and enumerated suggestion of the wine IMG_4834(raspberry, light cherry and cream coupled with an earthy rustic tea.. or something… Just know I was caught.). I wanted a bottle of all three but I had to be somewhat withheld, and looking left, out at that estate and that living space on the hill (imagining I was there for an afternoon, looking over the rows and blocks with a midday Chard splash, splashes, scribbling whatever the property was telling me), I had an inner skirmish. All teaching me something. I found a new majestic morsel, in the valley I rarely get to visit, and still don’t know that well. Now I have more warrant to more frequently return. And I want more, more…

The next night, with family over, I open my Mendocino Ridge Pinot. Yes, maybe I should have waited but I thought ‘no, I’m a writer, I don’t do that, and life is short so drink it with family..’. This bottle had all the same spell but for some reason more augmented, more staccato in its skip and sensory saunter. Just warrant to go back, soon, soon! Bring home more…..

note: Arista means “beautiful, like a bride” in Farsi, and “the best” in Greek. How cosmically logical!IMG_4837

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Over 3,000 words for the day, and I’m exhausted, but I still want to write.  And my writer friends, can only wonder what they’d say.  And my friends that teach like I do, all of them with FT jobs mind you, never having to worry about pouring for tourists, answering stupid questions about wine that they are convinced are so glowingly important– no sales goals, no threatening, no reprimanding, being treated like a wandering toddler with a gnat’s attention span– none of that.  I sit here, an adjunct, in a shared office, in a noose of malignity.  And I’m more or less prepared to meet with students, those that choose to show.  And my notebook is…

(7/30/14)
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FOURTEEN

Morning 3, sans mon petit Kerouac.  Still feeling very much yesterday’s run.  And today, more waiting…  Not necessarily my life story, but certain a noticeable portion of it, thus far.  More looking at vines today, watching them grow, get closer to their show.

 

7:48AM.. Laundry done, trash out, now the writer writes, listens to music, and relaxes.  Coffee, keeping me as it always does.  Short entry this morning.  Why?  Well after watching Alice print three pages of a homework assignment for her seminar, I’m taunted to print five pages, at least, of my poems.. for the first chap.  Going into the TR today with no cares.  It’s Thursday and I’ll just ride this day wave, this melody and scaling piano dazzle of thought.  And my focus, wine.. again.. may bring a bottle into the lab, see what they have to note about its character.. think they’re bottling.  Again.  Sometimes that seems all they do.  When I have my smaller label, there’ll be short runs, as we’ll never go over 5,000 css.  And if I, or we, do.. I cap at 10k.  Never a bottle more.  But why would I even want to do that much?  10 THOUSAND cases?  Stresses me just thinking about it– like publishing, Self-publishing I mean.. having to edit some brick of a MS.  No, I keep them curt, consistent.  Want them to be sketches of sketches.. sketch collections.. on the mountain today and I’ll have a chance, a couple opportunities I’m sure, to make a couple notes about the wines, the view, the drive up, getting out of that bloody room, away from that bar.. the air and feel and personality up there, more for writers.. anymore, the TR suffocates, and compels me to shut down, which I can’t afford at this stage.  […]  Surprised Self.  Nearly done printing poem collection.  DONE.. can’t believe it.  Who will first buy?  Only running 20 copies to start.  Don’t want to find mySelf as I used to, with so many unsold copies I’m only punishing a closet shelf with unwanted weight.

(6/26/14)

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Morning, Good.. I would

10/28/13–  Typing in the Safeway parking lot.  My mood this morning, toxic.. everything from rhythm to sight, to tone.  Not in the mood to do the same bloody thing I did yesterday, day before.  Before.  If I could just have the day to Self, to finish the bloody book, already.  Or just write freely.  I will, though.  This Friday.  If today were that day, I’d be on my way to Petaluma, by now, surely.  Once there, I’d grade for about an hour.  Then, to cafeteria to write in newJournal.  Freely.  To the second mocha of my day.

Wrote a healthy amount of verse, poem, yesterday while in tasting Room, visiting and revisiting wine to aid with knee pain.  No plans for a run today, obviously, in that I pickup little Kerouac from Lisa’s.  Do I want to run tomorrow?  Possibly.  Probably, actually.  But not too much distance, as to care for these aching structural portions.

My mood, rising, watching these cars race by on Calistoga, towards 12, where they choose to turn

left

or right.

8:44am.  How much longer can I write?  I’ll give Self till 9:05.  Precisely 20 minutes to finish, edit, post this prose.  Or poetry.  Whatever form it takes.  Cold this morning.  The reader, or “gauge,” reads 39’.  May as well be 32, as I’m quite affected by the sterile sharp atmosphere.  Reminds me of Sunriver, of course.  And then my mood rattles again, in wondering how long it’ll be till I up there again write.  Young family walks by, two children in roofed wagon, mama carrying littlest on person, in one of the strapped pouches.  Can’t remember name for them.

Listening to beats that I used when having my Literary lunches, Napa.  And my hands start to stiffen.  Don’t I have the heat on?  No.  Fixing that.  Maybe that’s why my temperament’s so coiled, boasting fang points.

So relaxed, here in car, with this 4shot energy boat, music, characters everywhere.

But I have somewhere to be.

That, precisely why I’m re

molding.

Still 39 degrees.  Much more pleasant in the cabin of this new car, with heat’s help.

Passers, with visible mist

talk.

Me, hidden from.

 

At lunch, I need to get this grading done.  Instead of 4 items, I will shoot for 8.  Four must be 1A papers, just the other night submitted.  Going to use a new 50pt rubric I found online.  Would write my own, but my writing energy, as it pertains to my teachings, stands better spent in other areas– lectures, lessons, assignments.

And, “Take Five” by Dave Brubeck appears, audibly.  And the writer’s mood, colorful.  No longer hunched.  Imagine my Self back in Paris.  By mySelf, writing, walking, no wine.. just the cafés, cuisine, characters, conversation.  Anymore, wine only harms the writer.. this writer at least.  And I’m all the more settled in me not making a wine this year.  I will return to it, yes.  But I want the writing to carry me, first.  Then, when means rotate upward, barrels get filled.

 

Today’s writing goal:  5 poems.  Due:  5 o’clock, not a second later, says

Professor Madigan.  (8:57am)

 

Posted 3pieces, Professor Madigan…  8:16pm, in kitchen’s nook.  Going back through blog, its word doc, here on laptop, reconciling.. guess that’s what you’d call it.  Caught Self OVERthinking, again.  “Oh, did I post this one.. this one?  THIS ONE?” Why concern Self like that, OVERconcern Self like that?  It’s all book-able.  No more of this 1-year-on-blog hogwash.  Some pages I post, others I don’t.  I’m a writer, not a blogger.

On new notes: didn’t have any advances at winery today pertaining to winemaking.  So, I’m resigning to not making wine this vintage–  NO!  Not ‘resigning’.. assigning.  What am I “assigning?” The Self, to only write, teach, read.. work with my students.  After leaving Kerouac with Ms. Lisa tomorrow, I’ll head straight to Petaluma.  A simulation for this coming Friday, where I plan to write for 5 straight hours, 10a-3p.  Or possibly more.  I’ll print my 41pg work as well.  Bet on it–  Actually, don’t.  You might lose.  Just know I’ll try, angrily.

 

Poetry tonight.  Three verses, comprising 1 song.  That’s it.  Something to perform.  Going to designate tonight’s piece my signature work.. or touring pages, if that makes sense.  And maybe I’ll test them on the English 5 class, this Thursday at open mic.  Or, “open mic with Mike,” as Jess said.

 

Tonight, I’ll grade 4 items.  Didn’t hit the eight or whatever I wanted to at lunch.  Instead, I went on a winery visit with a coworker.  Deerfield, all their single varietals, a couple blends.  Love how the tasting Room’s in the cave.  Always thought that was an appealing facet to their experience.  Was I a huge fan of their wines.. not really.  But I enjoyed the unexpected dash to another tasting Room, being on the bar’s other side.  Is there anything I can report from day, other than the slow start, and the uncomfortably easing rush at conclusion, the two annoying people from Reno I poured?  Not that it was Saturday-busy, it was just quirky, discomforting.  Rushed to gather little Kerouac, then back to condo castle.  Now, I’m in professor mode.. more, more.

Hungry.  Should probably open night’s wine, to pair with this Mexican casserole Alice made.  Long day for us both.  Want to get us into our own house, away from neighbors.  Older the writer gets, I don’t enjoy nearness to other voices, movements.  I prefer the isolated places.

10:14pm.  I should be grading those papers.. but no surprise, I’m not.  I’m enjoying my evening.  Quiet.  Writing.  And running tomorrow?  Not sure.  Maybe, actually.  Even if for only 30 minutes or so.  Have to remind Self that not every run should be a record-breaker.  The fact that I go out, interval on pavement, or trail, is victory to itself.

Poetry, to mySelf, here in the semi-solace.  Maybe I shouldn’t run tomorrow.. but Thursday.  Can I keep that promise to mySelf?

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